So Easy
by brookesdavis
Summary: Erin and Jay share a drunken night together that neither remember the next day. Is it the mistake that they keep telling everyone it is, or do drunk actions speak a sober mind?
1. Chapter 1

She wakes with an unresting pulsating in her head, as though her brain is telling her something in morse code. It's a bad sign that the annoying beeping of her alarm doesn't wake her - it's clear she's overslept. A veil of tangled hair encloses on her vision, so as she scrunches her face, one eye slowly opening, she only sees bits and pieces through the brunette strands. It's enough to tell her that she's not in her apartment, though.

'Great.' She thinks, although her inner voice doesn't help her hangover one bit. She faintly remembers the bar last night, so she shame of a one night stand gathers in her mind. As Erin gulps she winces in pain - it's clear she didn't have a quiet night in. After shoving her rough curls from her vision, she holds her self up on one elbow and wills herself to fully open both eyes. Clean white walls don't aid the swelling behind her eyes, and a strip of sunlight invading the room makes her want to smother her whole body beneath the blankets. It's a fairly neat room, until she notices her clothes strewn in every conceivable angle in her vision. And to her dismay, the lump lying next to her didn't have the brains to hang a wall clock in his own bedroom. It could be 4 PM, and she'd be oblivious.

"Oh my god." The rasp stings her aching throat, but there's no way she could suppress it, not after looking to her right. He's on his stomach, the duvet strung loosely across his back, but his head is turned to face her. His eyes flicker in his slumber, his mouth slightly agape and his bed-head giving hers a run for her money. Jay Halstead is the lump lying next to her.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god." As she brings her hands to cover her face she feels a weight on her arms, and pulls the duvet. off her to reveal her sporting her partner's plaid shirt. "Oh my god."

"Oh my god." He musters as he slowly wakes, sharing her same 'what the hell did we do?' look. She turns to face him and flashes race through her head. Jay props himself up on his elbows and brings the balls of his palms to his forehead, obviously trying to find some clarity.

"Are you wearing anything?" Her voice doesn't sound like her own and doesn't contain her signature edge. She watches anxiously as he pats himself beneath the covers, and breathes a sigh of relief when he mumbles 'boxers'.

"Erin?" The sound of her name escape his lips brings back thousands of memories - all of which she wants to forget. "What the hell did we do last night?" She gulps and realises how ridiculous they must both look - like two four year olds who just realised they coloured on their mom's favourite tablecloth.

"Obviously you kidnapped me against my will..." She starts, tearing herself from his bed - his dirty, contaminated bed.

"What?" It snaps from his throat and they both wince at the noise.

"This is your apartment." She gestures around them, before quickly moving her hands to the hem of the shirt, pulling it as far down as humanly possible to attempt to conceal herself.

"You're wearing my shirt." She suddenly feels incredibly self conscious and wraps her arms instinctively across her chest.

"Shut up and help me looks for my clothes. We're late for work."

He hauls himself from the bed and heads for the bathroom, a sound of retching filling the apartment.

"Lightweight." Erin mumbles as she unravels her bra from the corner lamp and carefully hooks it round her, under the plaid shirt. It's oddly comforting, not that she'd admit that. She finds her jeans hiding from her, half-under Jay's bed, while the presence of her shirt remains a mystery. The door to his room is wide open, and as she presses a hand tentatively to to the cool wood, images once again flooding through her head. She vaguely pictures herself pressed against the doorframe, her fingers grabbing roughly at Jay's shirt, pulling him as close as possible. The can practically taste the tequila on her lips, and it bubbles the bile in her stomach. She races to the kitchen sink and her heaving sounds synchronise with her partner's. After her stomach contracts, desperately trying to rid her body of anything but acid, she twists the tap and shoves her head below the faucet, slurping the cool water.

"I'm calling in sick." Jay groans from the other side of the wall, clutching his stomach.

"No," Erin mumbles, attempting to gather herself. "No one is going to find out about this." Jay would find her more convincing if she wasn't swaying from side to side with her eyes half-closed. "We need to act as normal as possible, okay?" Jay collapses on the couch, the back of his hand strewn across his forehead as he groans. "Have you seen my shirt anywhere?" She begins scouring the living room, trying to shut her brain off from the visuals of the night before trying to force their way into her memory. Jay shifts on the couch, before pulling a crumpled shirt from beneath him and tossing it blindly over his shoulder to Erin.

"Get dressed." She tells him bluntly. "We're stopping by my place before work."

* * *

He's used to being commanded by Erin Lindsay. What he's not used to - Being commanded when he's got such a throb in his head he can barely think. So he just follows her instructions, hoping that'll cause the least problems and allow his hangover to subside at the best rate.

"Really? This is the time you let me drive?" He moans as they reach his car and Erin heads for the passenger seat. It's his car, but she insists she drives stick better. But this morning, both feel as though they could fall asleep behind the wheel.

"You've gotta practice sometime." He rolls his eyes as he slides into the driver's seat and slowly starts the ignition, feeling the car purr beneath him. He changed into a new pair of jeans and shirt, meanwhile his partner is stuck with the same clothes from the night before. So they stop by her apartment before they head to the station, and Jay relishes the fifteen minutes he spends in silence, his head resting softly against the wheel.

"Okay, let's go." He jumps with a startle when the door slams, the pounding in his head returning. The first thing he notices is the smell - she's wearing the same perfume as the night before and he remembers smelling it so intensely it was like a dream. He remembers burying his face in her neck and taking in the sweet smell as though his life depended on it. Shaking the thought from his head, he starts the car and pulls off of the curb with ease. He shifts his vision to Erin for a slight second and chuckles, catching her attention.

"What?"

"Nothing..." He assures her. "Its just... Sunglasses, really?" Her face contorts into a frown as she slides the rim of her shaded sunglasses and scowls.

"I've got bags like you wouldn't believe. You know, you might want to invest in some, too."

* * *

Erin's got their story straight before he even pulls into his parking space. They've gone through it so many times Jay feels as though he may have gotten a permanent headache. The problem was, they're both pretty clueless about what happened the night before. Worst case scenario - Someone from the unit saw them leave together. So Erin creates the details that Jay gave her a ride home, and that was it.

Jay's glad his partner has the imagination and initiative to create their back-story- There's no way he could be so focused with a hangover as raging as this one. A chemistry and tension has always been present between Jay and Erin, and up until recently, they thought their boss was oblivious to it. With Voight's threats looming over his head, Jay had become wary of how to act with his partner when her 'dad' was around, and he was pretty sure she had too. This is why he thinks it's key that Voight doesn't find out a thing.

"Halstead, a word?" Jay's eyes widen at his desk when he hears the harsh barking off his boss. He immediately turns to Erin on the opposite side of the room, who shares his shell-shocked look, but cocks her head to Voight's door, urging Jay to go. With all the strength he can muster and an apology already forming in his aching head, he makes his way to the office at the back.

"Yeah, Sarge?" He plays it cool, gently closing the door behind him and standing with his arms folding across his chest.

"This is about Erin." Jay's heart races at roughly 5000 beats per minute and he feels a sweat gathering in his palms. It's bad enough that Voight thinks Jay's not good enough for Erin, so he can only imagine the beating he'll be subject to once the over-protective fatherly figure realises Jay was so drunk that he's got a memory block on the whole thing.

"What about her?"

"I know I was a little harsh the other day, when I told you to stay away from her." Jay hears softer words, but the voice still croaks in a way that makes him shiver. "'Just wanted to make sure there's no hard feelings."

"Uhm, no. Absolutely not." Jay squints subconsciously, feeling as though it's too good to be true.

"Truth is, you and Lindsay are a good team, alright? Don't let what I said compromise your work judgement." Jay nods while his mind stirs on Voight's words, trying to make sense of it all. "Alright, get outta here. I got a den I want you and Lindsay to check out in twenty."

As Jay closes the door to the office as he leaves, he finally heaves a sigh of relief. He finds Erin watching intently and motions her head forward, needing to know the details. Jay shakes his head softly with a smile and watches Erin exhale with the same relief he felt. It isn't exactly erasing the night before, but it's step one in forgetting.

* * *

**Leave a review and tell me what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

Hey, guys! Thanks for the reviews and favourites, it means a lot! Here's a slightly longer chapter, and hopefully(?) you'll find this somewhat entertaining...

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything - If I did, Erin and Jay would be most definitely frick-fracking by now.

* * *

"Halstead, Lindsay. I want you to stake out this drug-den on 63rd Western-Front Street. You see anything suspicious, let me know, alright?" Voight bellows to them both before redirecting his attention to Antonio's new lead. Jay and Erin nod at each other as they rise from their desks, heading down and out the station to the car park.

"Yo, Erin." Erin whips her head to see Justin waiting by the station. She can't explain it, but she feels Jay tense up.

"I'll catch up," Erin tells Jay softly, before turning back to Justin. She feels Jay's presence and a glaring look in Justin's eyes tell her to wait a few seconds, until she hears Jay's feet crunching on the gravel as he walks away. "What's up, Justin." She forces a smile because truthfully, she doesn't want to deal with Justin's crap today.

"What, you ain't happy to see me?" He tells her with a smirk, while her head starts to thump again at the volume of his voice. "Listen, I got a 'lil heads up about a party tonight... I was wondering if you wanted to come check it out with me?"

"Sorry, bro. Not quite up to it tonight." She sees the cocky smirk on his face fade and she feels kind of bad. Then she thinks of her warm, soft bed that would be waiting for her in seven hours, and she feels pretty good.

"What about a drink then?" Her stomach churns at the thought of alcohol.

"Actually, I was just thinking of staying in tonight... Just a quiet night in really."

"You want me to come over? I can get some food, a couple beers-"

"You know what?" She beams her best smile and softly touches his arm. "I'll call you, we'll work something out." She hopes the constant nodding and smile sells him on the idea, knowing in her own mind there's no way she wants Justin's company tonight. "I've got somewhere I gotta be, so I'll catch up with you later, okay?" He nods, his gaze looking past her to what she assumes is Jay waiting for her in the car, and she can tell he's hurt. As she turns away and towards the far end of the parking lot, she contemplates on the idea that Hank isn't the only Voight she should keep last night's events from.

"Everything okay?" Erin slides in the passenger seat without complaining - this is one time she gladly lets her partner drive.

"Just drive." She mumbles with a sigh, her elbow resting on the door frame and her hand cradling her head.

"Damn, that kid is persistent." Erin's gaze follows Jay's she sees Justin still standing outside the station, watching intently as the car passes.

"Look, I told you... We're close."

"Close like... You and me?"Jay comments, biting back a laugh as he steers. He can feel Erin shaking her head and failing to suppress a grin at his side and it warms him somehow.

"Shut up, Halstead."

* * *

"So basically we're doing Ruzek and Olinsky's job today?" Jay moans, looking at the car clock. They've been keeping watch for half and hour and there's been no movement in or out the building whatsoever. He wonders why Voight pulled them out of the station to stare at a building all afternoon.

"You really in the mood to bust a place open?" Erin scoffs at his side.

"Guess not..." Jay admits. Although the pounding in his head has subsided substantially, there's still a nagging headache that lingers. "I just wish-"

"Holy crap" He quickly turns his head to Erin, who's pale face is positioned over her phone. "Hey, L-Dog. Just checkin' in to make sure you're somewhat conscious. Anyways, how was the night with Halstead? Don't leave out a single raunchy detail." Erin reads from her phone. "It's from Burgess."

Jay panickly runs a hand through his hair, trying to come up with some response. "Just play it cool."

"'Play it cool'? That's the best you've got?"

"You got anything better?!"

_[**13:04PM**: My head feels like it's ready to roll off my shoulders, but apart from that I think I'll survive. How's your morning been?]_

"That's the best you've got? To ignore the topic completely?" Jay groans, shaking his head. If Burgess knows, then Atwater knows. Get a few drinks in Atwater, and he'll go blabbing to Ruzek without a doubt. Ruzek's the kind of guy dumb enough to gossip in the break-room, just as the boss is walking past. Jay knows he's going to have to start looking for a new unit.

_[**13:05PM**: Don't avoid the question, Lindsay.]_

"I can't believe you actually thought that would work."

"Would you shut up?" Erin moans, a thousand clogs turning in her head as she tries to think of something to tell her persistent friend.

_[**13:07PM**: Oh sorry, I thought you were joking. As much as I hate to deny you raunchy sex details, the last I saw of Jay was when he dropped me off at my apartment.]_

_[**13:07PM**: Well that's odd... Since I'm the one who dropped both of you off at his apartment. - By your demand of course.]_

"Ha! I knew it was your idea." Jay punches the air in victory while Erin rolls her eyes at him.

"'Demand' is clearly too strong of a word." Erin mumbles, mostly to herself. After texting a vague "We need to speak ASAP" to Kim, Erin diverges her attention to her smug partner.

"Just for personal interest, how long have you been planning to get me completely wasted so you can have your way with me?"

"Please don't..." Erin starts, a disgusted look forming on her face. "I already vomited enough this morning. And, please, this was clearly not entirely my fault. For me to have made such a careless, wreckless decision, you must've been sending me signs all over the place!"

"Oh, really? What kind of signs would I send?"

"You most likely did your whole twinkling-eye thing, and you probably ordered me several tequila shots (my kryptonite) and I guarantee that you kissed me first."

"I did not kiss you first!" He tells her, confident in his actions, despite the fact he's completely hazy on the subject.

"Well, I didn't kiss you first!"

"I have twinkling eyes?"

"What?"

"You said I have twinkling eyes. And that my twinkling eyes are your kryptonite." Jay's voice bounds with amusement while Erin sighs, although unable to wipe the determined smile from her face.

"No, tequila is my kryptonite." She corrects him. "Your twinkling eyes are just... Okay to look at."

"I'm now understanding why you were so determined to get me drunk and into bed with you. How long have you had this crush on me?"

"You're so frustrating." She growls. "It was an observation! C'mon, you've observed things about me before, right?"

He shifts in his seat and turns to look out the window, the playful smile planted firmly on his face.

"Oooh, what is it?" Erin's voice erupts with wonder, taking her turn to make Jay feel uncomfortable. "Is it my hair? My humour? I've got it, it's my grilled cheese sandwiches!"

"Nope." He tells her simply, putting his full attention on the motionless building ahead of them.

"Urgh, don't tell me it's my boobs or my ass, or something." Jay turns his head to face her and examines her chest. After a couple of seconds, Erin gives in. "Okay, fine, just tell me what it is."

"Your smile." He tells her softly, all the playful energy evaporating as the words escape his lips. As his eyes fall gently to her lips, she feels all the air from the car escape and struggles to focus. She feels as though the air has been sucked from her lungs as she tries to find words - any words - that won't get caught in her throat.

As much as she wanted everything to stay the same, she knows it can't. He's her best-friend and co-worker and they can't undo what they did. Despite the fact neither remember any details on the night before, it's still there - every moment and movement and act between them hangs in the air as a permanent reminder of how they ruined an innocently flirty tension.

They sit awkwardly in silence for the next half hour, sharing stolen glances and desperate looks, until Jay gets a text from Voight saying he's needed back at the station.

* * *

It's been a hard day - which is saying something considering she got into work at 11.30 AM. Erin worked alongside Antonio on some of his new leads, after returning to the station and separating from Jay completely, and broke ground with a few suspicious names. Despite her success, she found it somewhat boring without her ass-of-a-partner slumping alongside her.

"Nice work today, Linds." Antonio tells her with a fairly surprised look on his face. Erin always loved breaking expectations. She thanks him and bids him a goodbye while she packs up a few of her files, wanting to get home and sleep for as long as possible.

"I'll catch you later," She looks up from her desk to see Jay hovering gingerly. She smiles and offers a polite 'See you later', but can't deny the awkward tension that surrounds them. She hopes it's only temporary.

* * *

As amazing and wonderful as her bed is, Erin knew she had business to take care of first.

"Kim! Will you turn off Toddlers and Tiaras for two second to let me in?" Erin bangs on her friend's door less than elegantly, her whole body shivering in the apartment complex hallway.

"You do realise it's the finale, right?" Finally, Erin hears Kim on the other side and the sound of the door unlocking. "What a surprise." Burgess says with a grin, and Erin can already predict what's going to slip from her coy smile. "Is Halstead busy tonight, or are you just meeting up later?" Kim has always been one to laugh at her own jokes, which is handy since Erin never gives her a single hint of a smile when the joke's expense is on her.

"You and me need to chat." Erin tells her bluntly, hearing the distant call of her king sized bed and cotton duvet. She pushes past Kim and into her apartment, comfortably making herself at home on the leather couch.

"Please, come in." Burgess responds, motioning to the empty space beside her. With a sigh, she closes the door and finds herself on the opposite couch to Erin.

"Okay, whatever you know, or think you know... I need you to forget about it okay." Erin begins hastily, eyeing Kim warily.

"Okay..." Kim replies, her voice thick with confusion. "So you and Jay aren't..."

"No," Erin tells her immediately. "No, it was... A mistake, okay? Promise me you'll keep this quiet, Kim. We can't let this get out, so promise me you won't tell anyone." The pleading look in her friends eyes forcing Kim into a decision.

"Fine. My lips are sealed." She reassures Erin. "What's the big deal, anyway? It's not like you got married, or got an embarrassing tattoo or anything, right? You just slept together, what's the big deal?"

"'What's the big deal,'" Erin scoffs, disbelief on her face. "We're partners! It'd be like... Like you and Atwater."

"It would not be like me and Atwater." She tells her firmly, rolling her eyes. "Me and Atwater are like... Siblings. You and Jay? I'm surprised it took you so long to jump his bones."

"What are you talking about?"

"You don't think people notice the looks, and the touching, and the thick sexual tension?" Kim asks with amusement, watching Erin's cheeks tinge red. "It was only a matter of time."

"Okay, believe what you want to believe, but this is about friendship, okay? We've ruined it... I can already feel things getting awkward between us."

"Awkward? Why, was the sex bad?"

"What? Since when are you so interested in my sex life?" Erin asks, scrunching up her face while Kim chuckles. "And... I don't remember what it was like." She tinge of sadness to her voice escapes without her permission.

"Oh, okay. I get it now." Kim nods supportively, standing up and making her way to the kitchen. She stifles a smile as Erin curiously follows her, asking an intrigued "what?"

Kim pulls a bottle of wine from the cupboard and offers a glass to Erin, who swiftly declines. She's actually considering giving up drinking completely. It'd dramatically reduce the number of co-workers she'd sleep with.

"I'm just now understanding why you're freaking out so much about this." Kim's vague, knowing tone rubs against Erin's ego, sparking a response.

"Please, enlighten me."

"I think," Kim starts slowly, resting her elbows on the island counter opposite Erin, a smile forming before her words do. "You're freaking out, not because you slept with Halstead, but because you can't remember it."

"WHAT?" Erin bursts into a laugh, shaking her head with every exhalation.

"I don't hear any denial..." Kim sings, making her way round the island, past Erin and back to her comfortable spot on the couch. An amused look settles itself in Kim's eyes as she slowly sips from her wine glass.

"You're way off."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes! I'm going crazy because we're partners, because our friendship is effectively ruined, and if Voight finds out, we'll both be looking for new jobs."

"Call me crazy, but I think Erin Lindsay is a teeny bit sentimental." Kim tells her with broad smile, lapping up every eye roll from her friend. "I think it bothers you that you can't even remember your first kiss with the guy, or whether he took your shirt off or you did, or whether you stayed up talking for a while or fell quietly into his arms..." Erin's face remains twisted but her mind starts to wander, trying furiously to search her brain for any remembrances of the night before. "I think you want to remember the details, but can't." Erin sighs as she drops her gaze to the floor, exhausted that she can't remember a thing.

"It was a mistake." Erin replies softly, saying it mostly to herself.

"Who says a mistake can't also be best night of your life?"

* * *

**Leave a review and tell me what you think?**


	3. Chapter 3

**How good was last night's CPD?! I'm more than happy with the Lindstead scenes we got, how did you guys find it? Jay's "Oh, definitely" moment was absolutely one of my faves;) Anyway, here's an update to tide you over 'til next week's episode!**

* * *

As annoying as her best friend was, Erin was glad she spoke to Kim. It put everything into perspective. She realised how vital it was that didn't let her friendship become awkward, both for professional and personal reasons. She didn't stay long - Burgess was marathoning another season of cheesy TLC shows and Erin could hear the seductive calling of her bed from all the way across town. Struggling to keep her eyes open behind the steering wheel, Erin briefly contemplates how long she actually slept the night before. It crosses her mind that she and Jay maybe did stay up talking. She shakes the thought from her head immediately.

As she pulls up outside her apartment building, she just catches Justin entering the building, and she can literally feel her whole body sigh. Sometimes she found persistence admirable, but not in this case. Whether he was coming to drag her to the party, or to join her for a quiet night in, she wasn't in the mood for his company. Not tonight.

Without giving it a second thought, she re-ignites the engine and pulls off the curb, the car almost driving itself to her destination.

* * *

"You're not Chinese." Jay comments, his brows furrowed as he opens his door to reveal his partner, looking fairly exhausted.

"Nope." She tells him bluntly. "I am a quarter Italian, though." Erin says matter-of-factly, awkwardly crossing her arms over her each other. "Can I come in?"

"Sure." The confusion on his face is evident, but he steps aside nonetheless, granting her full access to his apartment. Ideally, Jay would prefer not to be in such close proximity with his partner - Awkward silences were not something he was fond of. But he figured maybe this was for the best. Maybe being forced into communication is exactly what they needed. He gently closes the door behind him and turns to face Erin, who acts as though she's never entered his apartment. Normally, she's more than happy to fetch herself a beer and settle into his sofa, lying fully across until he's forced to squash her legs in order for her to budge. Then he remembers how the last time she was there they were ripping each other's clothes off. Correction - that was the night before. The actual last night she was there, she was puking in his kitchen sink.

"Not that it's not great to have you here, but... Why are you here exactly?" He nervously rubs the back of his neck and passes her to the couch, where she sheepishly follows and sits a comfortable distance away from him.

"I needed a place to hide out. I'll be gone in a couple of hours." She hesitantly slides the leather jacket from her shoulders, hooking it over the end of the sofa. They sit in an awkward state for several minutes, both tensed up while they silently watch the football game Jay had recorded.

"Uhm.." They both say in unison after a few more painfully slow minutes pass. After a nervous chuckle and reddened cheeks, Erin urges Jay to proceed.

"I just... I wanna make sure things aren't weird between us?" The comment is rendered pointless due to the fact they are both fully aware they've hit Weirdsville. But they still both pretend.

"Absolutely." Erin agrees, a little over-enthusiastically. "I totally agree."

"So, we're good?"

"We're good." She tells him with a nod and smile, feeling a giant weight lifting from her. "Friends still?" She asks, as though they're in second grade and were fighting over the last crayon. The corners of his lips upturn slightly and he joins his hand with the one she offers.

As his hand envelopes hers, they both feel it. The immediate contact of skin-on-skin and that unexplainable sense of intimacy that comes naturally when they're around each other. They both stare far too intently at their enclosed hands, Erin remembering the entwining of his fingers in hers as he brought them above her head, her clinging onto him as though life depended on it. Jay can picture their hands on this couch, or more on each other, and can remember their endeavours of the night before. He feels a vague remembrance of pushing Erin into the comfort of the couch as she slid his shirt from his frame.

He opens his mouth, his lips cracked and aching for moisture, and poises as though attempting to speak. Her eyes cling desperately to the movement of his lips, waiting for him to speak. But he doesn't. Instead, whatever kind of thought that entered his mind is scared away by a knocking on the door. He consciously separates their hand, instantly missing the warmth and closeness. While he gets up to answer the door and pay for his food, Erin's left with a weight inside her and the thought that being platonic with Jay Halstead isn't as easy as she desperately wants it to be.

"You hungry?" She hears him shout from the kitchen counter, pulling his food from the take-out bag. "I only ordered for one, but we can split it?"

"No, I'm good." She returns over her shoulder, finally allowing herself to sink into the couch. As he returns next to her and settles into his spot, his piping plate resting carefully across his lap, she can't help but notice the discrete glances he steals. They somewhat settle into their normal routine, screaming at the TV and arguing over plays and Erin stealing a dumpling, despite her earlier decline at food.

"Not that it's any of my business... Except, it kinda is. Who are you hiding from?" He asks curiously, although attempts to hide his interest.

She cocks her head to the side with a sigh and he has his answer. She watches intently as a small smile escapes his lips before he turns his attention back to the football game. As she watches him, she's reminded of the nights she's spent in his apartment, and he in hers. How she forces him to watch her favourite romantic comedies, how he makes her endures his favourite baseball games. She thinks of the time she tried to make ravioli, and how he came over and just the right time to taste it. She remembers him puking seconds later. She thinks of when she first set Jay up with Caitlyn, how she had to talk him through what to say and what to do. She remembers going round his apartment after his date was a disaster. She thinks of the times she's dragged him shopping with her, and the times he's asked her to be his wingman. She's reminded of the drinking contests, the car rides, the pizza stops at 3 AM, the playful texting through the nights. She realises just how close they are. She realises why every thought that's been circulating her head since his head left hers is a bad one.

* * *

They only realise how much time has passed when the game draws to a disappointing close, both Erin and Jay not wanting the night to be over. Jay turns the TV off and slowly rubs the ball of his palms into his eyes, a yawn escaping from his mouth.

"Sorry for disturbing your night..."

"No, it's fine." He finds it odd how fine he actually does find it.

"I'll get out of your hair." She tells him slowly, stifling a yawn as she reaches for her jacket.

"No, stay." It escapes from his throat before he can register the words. "It's late. Stay." She turns to look at him, and really looks at him. It's like before; that moment in the car where she can feel time slipping away from them, willing them towards each other. As his eyes glaze over hers, Erin sees more flashes of their night together - She sees him hovering over her in his bed, pushing a strand of hair from her face as he looks at her like she's never been looked at before.

"I should be getting home." She has to force it from her lips, her eyes lingering on his face to read any expression she can. Jay nods slowly, hauling his body from the couch as he follows her to the door. As she steps into the hallway and turns back slowly, her brow furrows as she squint slightly at him. Whatever she thought about saying escaped her mind and was long gone. So after a polite 'goodbye' and a forced smile, he's left watching her leave with nothing but the distant smell of her perfume lingering in the air.

* * *

**Leave a review, and tell me what you think?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you to everyone who's reviewed and favourited! It means the world to me and truly inspires me to write more. Hope you enjoy this chapter!xo**

* * *

Birthdays have never been that big of a deal for Erin. Her home life wasn't exactly typical growing up, so she learnt fast not to expect too much on one day of the year. It's for that reason that she keeps quiet about it, it's never been a huge tradition for her and she's not about to start caring now. One thing that she underestimated though... Is the determination of her best friend.

* * *

"Lindsay," Erin's attention is redirected to her left when Voight walks past her, cocking his head towards his office. She closes the file she's working on and gets up from her desk, warily passing Jay's desk as she makes her way to her boss's office.

"What's up?" She asks with slight curiosity as she closes the door behind her. Wordlessly, Voight reaches in his bottom desk and draws out a rectangle box, wrapped in spotted wrapping paper and tied with a silver bow. His expression hard, he hands it to Erin as though it's a bomb, rather than a birthday present.

"Happy Birthday, kid." She turns it over in her hands with a sigh, cocking an eyebrow when she looks up at Hank.

"You didn't have to-"

"'Course I did." He rasps, as though it's only instinct to not only remember her birthday, but get her something too. Her eyes linger on him for a second more, before she undoes the bow and rips the paper, revealing a shallow rectangle box. Carefully removing the lid, Erin inhales sharply at what she sees. She draws out a picture frame, encasing a picture of her, Justin, Hank and his wife on her 17th birthday. She thumbs the glass carefully as she's taken back to the day, happy images flooding through her mind.

"Hank-"

"Don't get all sentimental on me, alright?" He tells her, shuffling in his chair and pretending to be engrossed in his computer screen. "Now go on, get back to work." She stays a for a few more moment, tears in her eyes at the simply gaze of a picture in her hands. She's said it a thousand times, but she wants Hank to know just how grateful she is to him, but can't find the words to express what he's done for her. He's her family.

* * *

She manages to survive the work day with no unusual behaviour. No cakes, no cards, no dumb gag presents. In fact, she's been given more work to do, with the other detectives piling their cases onto her. By half seven, Ruzek leaves Erin with a fresh wad of files, all of which she accepts with a frown. That's when she looks around and sees that she's the only one left in the office. It's unusual, since Jay's pretty intent on working late most nights and even Antonio, who's got a wife and kids waiting, usually doesn't leave before eight.

At eight-fifteen, she calls it a night, gladly saying goodnight to the never-ending pile of cases covering her desk. She makes it out the station and to her apartment's parking lot in a little over ten minutes, and she decides it's her biggest achievement of the day. In retrospect, she realises it was pretty obvious that something was up - considering the number of recognisable cars surrounding hers. But hey, she's still sleep deprived and she's too focused on a slice of cheesecake calling her name in her fridge three floors up.

As she scuttles down the apartment coridoor, Erin faintly hears noises coming from inside of her apartment, all of which that come to a silence as she approaches the door. As she spins her key in the lock and twists the handle, she's already got her suspisions of what's coming.

"SURPRISE!" The moment her foot enters the threshold, music booms into her ears and party poppers explode in her face. She's pulled, patted and prized every different way, looks of joy and amusement painted on everyone's face while Erin is pretty sure she's still got her deer-in-the-headlights look going on. Finally she turns to face her apartment head on and sees the spectacle. Erin Lindsay is a birthday pessimistic, but she's got to admit it looks pretty badass. Banners and streamers coat the walls, while silly string hangs from every conceivable corner of the room. A buffet table is pressed against the far end of the room, and blaring speakers occupy the second wall. Within seconds, she's got a beer pressed to her hand.

"Pretty kickass, right?" Kim asks with a grin, observing the view with Erin.

"I can't believe you did all this." It was pretty amazing. With one sweeping glance, Erin could point out several childhood friends, distant friends, friends who she hadn't spoken to in forever. Pretty much everyone from the station waded in the room. She gave Kim credit.

"Let me tell you something, it's a lot easier to plan a surprise party when you know the date of someone's birthday." Kim drags Erin along to the buffet table and they both start building a plate.

"You use the station's database?" Erin cocks an eyebrow as she piles her plat with sugary-goods. Kim nods proudly, already digging into her plateful. They converse in the corner for a couple more minutes, Erin savouring the food and now only hearing faint cries of the hearty slice of cheesecake in her fridge. She mingles in and out for a while, engaging in friendly chit-chat and taking obligatory pictures. She's about to bust Ruzek's balls about him keeping her late at the office, but is interrupted by Burgess.

"There's something on the balcony for you..." She tells her with an obvious smile, her voice riddled with amusement. Erin cocks her head to her balcony and a smile traces across her lips.

"Hey," The cold, Chicago air hits her immediately, lacing her exposed arms with goosebumps. Jay's body remains leaning on the railing, but he turns his head over his shoulder, smiling at her presence.

"Hey." She joins him on the edge, folding her arms over one another as she presses her body onto the railings so they're both looking out at the view. Jay silently offers her a beer off the edge which she accepts gladly. The thought of him saving a beer for her makes a smile. She tries not to read too much into it. As she clinks their beer bottles together and takes a hearty sip, her throat burns and her eyes sting but there's something about the view that makes her numb to the small pains. Never has she felt so insignificant as she does in that moment - watching hundreds of cars take hundreds of roads, all going somewhere and everywhere and nowhere. Lights flicker simultaneously, as though the city's putting on a light show just for her.

"Happy Birthday." The husk of Jay's voice brings her back to reality, and that tiny, niggling feeling at the back of her mind is gone, because standing in front of Jay Halstead on her third floor balcony with the whole of Chicago as an audience, she's never felt more significant.

A hint of a smile spreads across his lips as they're locked in a fiery gaze, and she's desperate to wait him out until he speaks. As she searches his eyes, she suddenly realises that she's looking into eyes that know her better than anyone else - eyes that know what she's done and who she's been and accept her for it, even when she hasn't and doesn't accept herself. And in that one look she wants him to know badly how much it means that he knows her, and how much better she feels for it.

He turns slightly and unravels his arms, opening himself to her in the most metaphorical sense of the phrase and a smile threatens to unravel on her face as she realises he maybe, possibly, somehow understood everything she needed him to in that glance.

"Ahem." An arrogant throat-clearing pushes them away, both whipping their heads to the side. Once again, Erin feels deflated at the sight of Justin Voight, but this moment more than ever. She shifts nervously, fingering the cool glass of her beer. She feels Jay sigh, just close enough for her to hear, and begins to make his way inside, sharing Justin's cold glance as he passes.

"Hey." A light tone is forced into her voice as he steps out and takes Jay's place, his hands tucked deep into his leather jacket.

"'Sup. Nice party." He comments, looking briefly back inside.

"Thanks," Erin returns with a smile, reminding herself that she needs to thank Kim again for doing this for her.

"I came over last night," He mumbles, eyeing her warily. She tries to act surprised, but obviously even her fake excitement isn't even enough. "You weren't in, though."

"Oh yeah, late night at the office." She desperately hopes Justin won't go and confirm this with his dad later. "But you should come by the station tomorrow, we can grab lunch or something." This time her smile is genuine, and she hopes that he reads into that. He's frustrating and persistent, but he's her little brother. And she misses him. The 'him' he used to be, anyway.

* * *

**I wanted to write some Erin/Voight in there, so hopefully I managed it well enough. How did you guys find it?**


	5. Chapter 5

**So I finally managed to finish this chapter! The inspiration is slowly coming back to me, so I'll try and continue this when I can.**

**Thank you to everyone who has managed to be patient with me, I hope you enjoy this chapter! As usual, there might be a few mistakes, it was late when I got round to finishing this.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

* * *

"I have to tell you something." Jay sits alongside Ruzek in the bar, both sipping their beers. There's a gently buzz in the air and a few officers went to Molly's for a quiet night after a long day's work. Jay willed himself to ask Lindsay to join them, but instead he forced a smile and walked on past her desk.

"Sure, what's up?"

"You got a big mouth, Ruzek. But I'm gonna need you to keep this quiet." Adam's eyebrows hitch at Jay's intense tone, but he nods nonetheless. "I slept with Lindsay."

"You what?" There's amusement in his tone and he beams instantly, turning fully to look at Jay.

"We were drunk... I don't even remember it." It's the first time Jay's said it out loud and the words sound foreign and unfamiliar.

"When was this?"

"A couple of days ago." He mumbles before taking a large swig of his beer. "And, ever since that night, there's been... There's been these moments between us. Intense moments that I can't even explain. It's like seeing a whole new side of her, like I'm looking at her different. And in these moments when I'm looking at her and she's looking at me, it just... It feels right."

"Wow." He murmurs, unsure of how to respond to such a sensitive side of Halstead. "I didn't realise you were actually capable of such intense feelings, Halstead."

"Shut up." He grumbles into the rim of his glass as Ruzek clasps an arm round his shoulder.

"Well?"

"Well, what?"

"In one of these 'intense moments' did you kiss her?" Jay shakes his head no, sipping the last of his foam and slamming the pint glass back on the bar. "Why not?"

"Voight's kid has got a habit of showing up at the worst times."

* * *

"I thought he was gonna kiss me." Erin says with wonder as she lies across Kim's couch, sipping from her wine glass. Burgess is stretched out on the other couch, a tub of ice-cream placed comfortably in her lap. "He was looking at me, and there was the view..."

"And?"

"Justin showed up." Kim groans as she dips her head back over the edge of the couch.

"Erin, you know I understand your thing with Justin better than anyone. But you're gonna have to tell him to back off." Erin eyed her with a sigh, full well knowing it wouldn't be that easy.

"He's my family."

"Well as your family, he should appreciate when to give you time to kiss the face off your partner."

"We've been over this, Kim."

"I know, I know. You're partners, there's nothing to it." She waves a hand and speaks dramatically, scooping a spoonful of ice-cream. "Except there totally is."

"Urghh." She groans, lolling around on the couch awkwardly. "I don't know how to describe it, but there's this kind of... Energy between us."

"So stop being so difficult and just go and get your man."

"Let's say I did go and make the first move. And let's say we started dating, or whatever. I'm sure it'd be great why it was happening... But then what would happen when we broke up?"

"Break-up sex?"

"Kim, I'm serious." Erin sits up and hauls her legs onto the floor, running her fingers through her hair in frustration. "Can you even imagine how awkward it'd be in the unit?"

"So you're concerned about a hypothetical break-up after a hypothetical dating scenario? You people in Intelligence really have to over-think things, huh?" Erin nods with a frown as she reaches over to grab the tub of ice-cream.

"I don't even get it." Erin moans with a mouthful of ice-cream. "I've seen him with girls before. I set him up with Caitlyn! Ever since that night though... It's like I'm looking through a whole other perspective."

"Come on." Kim says suddenly, pushing her body from the couch and making her way round the coffee table to an already drunk-on-Ben and Jerry's Erin. "We're going out."

"Where to?" Erin asks with a moan.

"Molly's."

* * *

Erin feels like Kim is under the impression that once they arrive at the bar there will be some big, love declaration followed by a public kiss and possibly a marriage proposal. She tells herself on the way to the bar to remind her friend that they don't live in some magical romantic comedy movie staring Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling.

They arrive in no time and are actually pretty shocked to see that Molly's is pretty quiet - Only a few regulars and the odd recognisable person from the station are scattered throughout the bar. Erin's eyes don't go straight to just any odd recognisable officer, though.

"Hey," Kim offers while Erin awaits nervously next to her. She's not even sure why she's nervous - she's been with Jay in this bar roughly five thousand times. It's familiar territory. Yet there's something in his gaze that looks so unfamiliar it scares her.

"Hey, you're just in time. Next round's on me." Ruzek rises from his stool and bellows to the bartender while the two newcomers take their seats; Kim next to Ruzek and Erin trailing round to occupy the space next to Halstead. She coughs nervously and tries not to notice the knocking of their elbows as she removes her jacket. The drinks come seconds later, and although beer isn't her favourite, Erin gladly makes a start on hers. She feels the need to say something to Jay while Kim and Adam engage in light chit-chat, but before she can he's interrupted by a phone call.

"Hey. Yeah, hang on a sec..." His voice is low into his phone as he dismisses himself, Erin subconsciously watching as he walks towards the bar bathrooms.

"Lindsay." She whips her head back at the sound of Ruzek's voice, both him and Kim with an amused look on their faces. After she squints with a scowl, they both drop the smile. "I was just gonna ask... What's the deal with you and Justin?" After a dramatic sigh from Erin, Adam knows to drop the conversation. In that moment she wonders why everyone is so fascinated with her connection to the Voight's. "I just saw you two on the balcony last night and... Never mind." Ruzek never feels confident under the ruthless stare of Erin Lindsay, and ultimately decides to drop it. Luckily, Halstead returns seconds later.

"Was that work?" The words escape from Erin's mouth without permission, and sound far too nosey than acceptable.

"Uh, no. Just something personal..." He forces a smile as he swigs from his glass, feeling naked under the stare of his partner.

"Oh was it... Caitlynn again?" Jay turns to his left to glare at Adam, who stated his question with far too much amusement in his voice. He feels Erin shift in her seat slightly and suddenly feels the urge to explain the innocence of the call, despite the fact he struggles to find a reason to justify the explanation. Before he can open his mouth, Erin's calling for shots.

"Four shots of tequila!" Kim 'woohoo's' at the end of the line and she and Erin clink shot glasses, both downing them in a synchronised fashion. After eyeing Erin warily, despite the fact she ignores his gaze completely, Jay finally follows Adam in knocking back the sour liquid.

* * *

"Erin, I want to introduce you to someone." Kim shouts across the two guys after a few more rounds of shots. Erin looks over the bar curiously, but is ultimately pulled from her stool by the oddly strong officer. She's dragged to the opposite end of Molly's and is introduced to a tall blond guy, who Kim claims is 'an old childhood friend', although the guy seems to have no recollection of ever seeing Burgess before in his life.

"This is Erin," Kim offers brazenly, motioning towards her friend who stands awkwardly, not really understanding what Kim's aim is. "Erin, this is..." She motions her left hand in circles, waiting for the guy to answer.

"Kevin."

"Kevin!" Kim yells, as though she achieved some sort of accomplishment. "Well I can practically feel the chemistry, so I'll let you kids have some alone time." She mumbles with a chuckle, slowly backing away and eventually making her way back to Halstead and Ruzek. Kevin sticks a hand out, which Erin hesitantly shakes.

"You've never seen that woman a day in your life, have you?" Erin asks, cocking her head to the opposite side of the bar, her eyes softly gazing over where she was only moments again. Her eyes linger on Halstead for a single second, who looks away quickly when she meets his gaze.

"No, but I appreciate her enthusiasm. It's not everyday I get a pretty girl dropped right in front of me."

* * *

Erin enjoys a beer with Kevin, and is honestly not as hesitant as she was at the beginning. He has a slight tendency to talk about himself quite frequently, admitted to loathing tequila, and is a total health nut, so rarely eats take-out chinese food. But apart from that, she thought he was pretty decent. She wasn't quite sure of Kim's angle, but she was grateful nonetheless.

"Hey," She feels a hand pressed to her arm, and to her surprise it's Halstead stood oddly close. "You ready to go?" His eyes are intense, too intense for her to hold his gaze. Her eyes flutter under his stare, so she whips her head back to Kevin, who smiles mechanically at her.

"Uhm, actually..." She awkwardly shifts her gaze back to her partner. "I think I might stay a little longer..." She confuses herself with her words. Sure, the guy isn't a total drag, but she's not exactly into him. But there's something in Jay's pressure on her arm that wants to draw this out.

"We have work in the morning." He tells her as though she's oblivious to the work hours she's known for so long. It's just then that she notices his hand is still resting on her arm. She wonders if maybe he says it so Kevin knows he's her co-worker.

"Yeah, I know." He removes his hand from her arm under her gaze. "I just-"

"And Burgess left a while ago, so I'm your ride." Her eyes quickly scan the room and confirm that Jay's right - Kim was gone. Erin would definitely be angry texting her later.

"Don't worry, man. I'll get her home okay." Kevin says it with a chuckle, which seems to infuriate Jay.

"No, really,_ man._ I'm sure she's fine with me as her ride." Erin wants to scream that she's not a piece of meat - that she can actually speak for herself.

"I was just offering-"

"And I'm just telling." His voice is raised and starts to draw attention.

"Do you have a problem with me?"

"I'm starting to, yeah."

"Sounds like you've had a little too much to drink, buddy." Erin feels the need to defend her partner, that he's only had two beers and a shot of tequila. Not that she was keeping score, or anything.

"You'd better back off, before I make you." She feels Jay's posture change and she knows this isn't going to end well.

"Jay!" Erin hisses under her breath, gaining his gaze. She doesn't understand it - She thought this could be slight jealously, but he looks almost... Mad at her. His eyes linger on hers for a few more moments, and if he'd have waited an extra second, she probably would've left with her partner. Instead, he pushes himself off the bar and into the crowd of people, headed towards the door. He strides without looking back, and she feels a sickness in the pit of her stomach. The guy next to her is saying something with a light chuckle, but she's tuned it out.

She feels a chill pass over her as the look on Jay's face resurfaces in her mind, and she wonders if for once, she's pushed it too far.

* * *

**Hoping you guys liked it! I'll try and update as soon as I can!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you to everyone who reviews and favourited! It means a lot:D**

**Okay, so I've got some explaining to do. I really suck at timelines, so you'll have to bear with me with details... But at this point, Justin isn't in the army, and Adam is still engaged to Wendy. I'm not going to really include Justin in upcoming chapters, yet I don't want him excluded altogether. I might include some Burzek (depending on the feedback I get) but this is still a Lindstead-centred story:)**

**If you have any other questions or queries, please don't hesitate to ask!**

**Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

She doesn't leave with Kevin. She doesn't pursue a meaningless one night affair. She leaves five minutes after Jay does, and calls a cab. Although it was a stupid plan to begin with, which Erin knew from the second Kim introduced her to the guy at the bar, she felt even stupider for pursuing it.

* * *

"How many times have you done it since that night?"

"What?" Jay mumbles as he adds a hearty amount of sugar to his coffee, looking over his shoulder at a restless Ruzek.

"Since the first night, how many times have you and Lindsay had sex?"

"None," Jay exclaims, looking over his other shoulder to the empty doorway. "And will you shut up?"

"Really? That bad, huh?"

"I knew it was a mistake talking to you about this." Jay sighs, sipping from his coffee. "Just drop it, okay?"

"Was it at your place or hers?" He asks casually, as though not hearing a word of his co-worker's speech. Jay can do nothing but sigh as he turns his body to lean against the wooden cabinets. A second later, Burgess bounces in the break-room to join them.

Ruzek brought Kim up to Intelligence, and although he knew there was judgement among the others in the unit, he thoroughly believed he'd made the right call. She was spunky and light. Almost the complete opposite to Alvin.

"Nice fanny pack." Jay says almost instinctively, hiding a smile behind the rim of his mug. Ruzek chuckles beside him while Kim tugs on it defensively.

"It's called a carry-pouch." She informs him, as though educating a three-year-old. "And it's what all the tourists are wearing." Jay nods as she speaks and stifles another laugh. He's about to make a smart comment on her wearing of the Blue Jackets, when he's silenced by the presence of his partner.

Erin feels the discomfort in the room as Jay tenses up, the smile disappearing off his face and the hunching of his shoulders. As she takes a step into the break room, he makes his way towards the door, passing her without making eye-contact.

"What's that all about?" Kim asks with a confused look planted on her face - The last thing she witnessed last night was Jay drooling at Erin from across the room while she flaunted all she had on an innocent bystander.

"Nice fanny pack." Erin hums, striding past both Burgess and Ruzek and towards the coffee pot, taking Halstead's previous place.

"It's a carry-pouch." Kim repeats, louder and more enunciated. "Now that I'm in Intelligence you'd better start treating me better, Lindsay."

"I'll consider it." Erin retorts, piling the coffee into her mug. She was happy to get her friend working in their unit for the day - Especially since her other friend made it blatantly clear there was going to be some distance between. If she'd thought about it sooner, Erin would've bagged Kim for the day. Ruzek beat her to it, though.

"I'll go and talk to Jin about getting the tracker." Adam mumbles, already missing the male company of Halstead. "Meet me down there in ten." He makes a swift exit, leaving only Erin and Kim to talk about the awkwardness ensued.

"Was the sex bad again?" Kim asks with a grimace, folding her arms across her chest.

"You excited to be working with Ruzek today? Word to the wise guy, don't let him drive. He's almost as bad as..." She trails off, wondering how her words can go to her partner without permission.

"Great, now that we're back on topic, are you gonna tell me what happened last night?"

"Nothing happened." Erin shrugs her shoulders as she tries to convince herself that.

"Nothing happened, or you wish nothing happened? Trust me, there's a difference."

"Let's just say, your little plan didn't exactly work."

* * *

Thankfully for both Lindsay and Halstead, Voight splits them up for the day. Erin had the pleasure of Voight's company, while Jay, Antonio's. Aside from Kim texting Erin every thirty seconds demanding answers, and Jay's icy coldness flourishing every time she walked in a room, her day wasn't so bad. It was an easy day, which could be determined by the fact they had finished paperwork by 6pm, and although Erin was drawn towards the calling of her apartment, Voight had different ideas.

"Lindsay." The gruff voice causes Erin to turn. "Dinner tonight. You, me and Justin. What d'you say?" It amazed her when Voight made comments like that. When Hank asked questions, they were almost always rhetorical, and you knew that once you had been captured by the Sergeant, there was no turning back.

"Love to." That was a stretch. She'd 'love to' skip the rush hour traffic and make it to her apartment in less than twenty minutes. She'd 'love to' have a steaming hot bath and listen to her music. She'd 'love to' get an early night and escape from the world for a few hours. As much as she 'loved' the Voights, their company wasn't something she wanted for tonight.

They walk out together with the rest of the unit, Erin scrambling away before Ruzek and Kim see her, but her eyes somehow radiating to her partner's car. As she heads to her own, a mere three parking spaces away from Halstead's, she hopes he's not too close behind her. It's strange, being this distant from him. Even after their 'incident', things weren't like this. She contemplates how he, Jay Halstead, had the nerve to be angry. How, when she arrived at the bar last night, ran off into the bathroom for a quick round of phone-sex with Caitlin before returning for drinks.

After sliding into the driver's seat, her eyes follow Jay as he leaves the station, car keys in hand. Her eyes hone in on him as she considers telling him all of her thoughts. Then again, she can hear the roar of Voight's car as he reverses a few spaces down from her, and she knows better.

* * *

She pushes the food around her place, toying at it with her fork. While Hank and Justin engage in light conversation, something rare between the two of them, Erin finds herself thinking of someone else.

"Anyway, Pops, I'm thinking it could be a big hit." Justin finishes proudly, a beam protruding across his face. Erin's sceptical on Justin's ideas at business concepts with his 'old friend', and by the look of it, so is Hank. She can see the clogs turning in his head, his brain racked for something positive to say. Instead of dampening the mood with disapproval, Voight simply slides a strip of beef into his mouth and chews with a forced smile.

It feels as though they've been eating forever, yet when Erin checks the time, it's only been half an hour. She's about to excuse herself to the ladies room, when a phone call does the job for her.

"I've gotta take this, I'll be right back." She placed a tentative hand in passing on Hank's shoulder and weaved in and out of tables to the ladies room, where she promptly clicked 'accept' on a call from Sheldon.

"Lindsay?"

"Jin, what's up?" She leans against the line of sinks and listens intently. Jin rarely makes late communications. Only if it's serious.

"I've got a call for domestic disturbance on Cabot."

She sighed. "I'm off duty. And even if I wasn't, I don't handle stuff like that." She runs a hand through her hair with a yawn, wondering what was the purpose behind Jin's call. He knows she's a detective, not a standard officer.

"I thought you'd want to know before I put it in the system. It's Halstead."

* * *

She asked if there was anyone else, soon realising there wasn't. There was a reason that Sheldon called Erin; for the element of discretion. He made a comment before she put the phone down, "It's not his first, either." She relives the way he phrased it, in passing, almost as an afterthought. How could she remain so oblivious to the fact her partner had multiple domestic disturbances filed against him?

As she flits back to the table housing Hank and Justin, she rattles her brain for a plausible excuse. At the last second, she settles hastily on "there was a flood at my apartment!", and answers Hank's questions vaguely and rushed, grabbing her bag and coat to make a speedy exit.

It's a good job Jin texts her the address seconds after their call, because she'd never be able to find the bar. Not only had she never been to Cabot Street, she had no idea the bar even existed. Her mind went to her partner, wondering what business he had at that precise location.

The car practically drives itself, Erin's eyes squinting through the frosty glass for the right turning. Ten minutes, and several wrong turns later, she pulls up opposite a grubby bar, hidden like a hole in the world but barely recognisable by a flickering neon sign. Hauling her body from the car and jogging across the street, she busts through the double doors and is greeted by dim lighting and a thick layer of cigarette smoke.

It's a dive. She'd take a few seconds to absorb her settings, that would be if there wasn't chaos ensuing from across the room.

* * *

"You make me sick!" He doesn't know how to process his anger and disgust into something creative or constructive. He just wants contact. Physical, brutal, bloody contact. Jay can sense he's being held back by a number of people, but the pulsing in his veins seems almost animalistic, the storm bursting through his chest. "You're not going to get away with this!"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Jay feels the bile stir in his stomach, threatening to jump to his throat. While Lonnie sits, protected by a crowd of guys, Jay's mind crosses the line, wishing things that make him sick at his own thoughts. He envisions Lonnie's curled up body pushed into the ground, blood seeping into the earth, dirt caked into every pore of the killer

With each lurch at the scrawny man before him, Jay feels further and further from Detective Halstead. Sick thoughts evade his mind, flashing images of the bloody body of Ben Corson. "I swear to God, it'll be a miracle if you make it through the night! You try anything, and I'll kill you." The words, shaky and unfamiliar, scare Jay to his core. Because he doesn't want to be this person. "You hear me? I'll kill you!" He can't remember a time he's ever been this angry. Where he's physically shaking with every emotion erupting through his body.

At some point during his cries, Jay feels a hand tugging on his arm. In a blur of bodies and yells, he hears the voice of reason.

"BACK UP NOW, BEFORE I TAKE YOU ALL TO THE STATION." Jay feels grips loosening on his arms, while Lonnie gets pushed in the opposite direction. His breathing, thick and laboured, is the only thing he can focus on. He wonders what it's like having a panic attack. He wonders if he's having one.

Colours flash around him, but he can only focus on Lonnie, escaping further and further from his vision. It's Erin that drags him out of the bar, which is surprising. He doesn't have time to figure out her motives though, because he needs air. Like a fish out of water, he reaches for breath. It's cold, icy cold, and his leather jacket doesn't provide much insulation. Erin is speaking to him, her voice oddly soothing and her tone calming. He tries to focus on her words, but he can only hear the blood thumping in his ears.

"Jay? Jay!" She's tugging on his collar, but he's distracted by a trail of hot blood seeping from his split knuckles and onto the dusty pavement. His partner, with a strength he wasn't aware she had, pushes him hard against the brick wall, gripping his head between her hands and pulling his focus to her.

"Just breathe." It's a command, forcing his lungs to work in sync with his head. She holds his head steady, demanding his gaze and holding it. His breathing slows somewhat as she loosens her grip, redirecting her hands to his cracked knuckle, inspecting it.

He's burning up, but shakes from the cold. He wants to scream until his lungs concave, but close his eyes and crawl up somewhere. He wants to push her away, but hold her so tightly that the demons relinquish control so he can finally feel like himself again.

* * *

**I feel like this story finally has some direction, haha! If you could leave a review and tell me what you thought, I'd really appreciate it!**

**[Also, can we all have a prayer circle for Jay tonight, please? Who else is dreading it? I honestly don't believe Jay did it, but it's going to break my heart watching the unit turn against him;(]**


	7. Chapter 7

**I was sooooo depressed when I found out there wasn't an episode of CPD last night, so naturally, I wrote to feed my addiction;)**

**As usual, my proof reading is pretty shocking, so you might find a couple of mistakes...**

**Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

He feels weighed down and tired, the only thing keeping his eyes open being the small knocks in the road that cause the car to judder. Jay's throat is hoarse from toxic words and the pain of yelling, and while he wants, -no, needs- to explain everything to his partner, it's all he can to hold himself together. He feels her burning gaze on him every so often, and he knows she shouldn't have to do this. Off the clock, she has no obligation to him whatsoever. And as he stares out of the window, watching the black-hole sky swallow colours of beauty, he wonders if that's what he does to her. He considers the possibility that he's fading her colours and leaving nothing but a blank canvas.

* * *

She's been challenged all her life; tested. It's in her DNA to be strong, her entire being composed around it. Yet when her eyes flickers absently to the person beside her, desperation expelling from every pore in his body, she's clueless as to how to react. She's not used to seeing him like this, and it unnerves her. Erin can feel the cries of help from her partner, silently screaming for someone, anyone, to listen.

She takes them in the direction of his apartment, the route somehow burned into her brain after all this time. After she parks, they sit in silence for a few minutes. Her mouth opens and closes, resembling that of a gormless fish, while she struggles to find the words. Guilt racks her brain as she tries to somehow calculate how she couldn't recognise such a change in her partner. She wonders how differently the evening might have gone, if the two were on speaking terms. Would he have called her for help? Or would he have continued to let himself be chewed up by this cruel world?

While Jay turns to look at her, Erin attempts to find some combination of words that can salvage this. But once again, it's futile. She watches with disdain as his chest deflates and hauls his body from her car, headed towards his apartment complex. The image of his face flashes through his mind; flustered and desperate. After seeing his stumble across the grass, she makes a decision. It's not the smartest one by far, but in that moment, her partner needs her. And that's all that matters.

* * *

She lets him into the apartment, softly turning the key after he stumbles in frustration. After flicking on a few lights, she pulls him under the low kitchen light to re-inspect his split knuckle. Its crusted with dried blood, but fresh blood threatens to resurface if she doesn't act soon.

"You're lucky its not your shooting hand." She comments lightly, gently letting his hand go on top of the island counter before heading to the freezer. She hastily settles on a bag of frozen peas, turning her back round to Jay. She readjusts the frozen bag on his hand, patting it down while he rests on the island stool opposite her. "You want to talk about it?"

He doesn't give an answer, but she's fine with that. The simple look he throws her way is enough - a connection between their eyes, telling her that he wants to tell her, but the wounds are still fresh. And that's enough for her.

"How's Caitlin?" She wants to bang her head on the counter the minutes the words leave her mouth. Where they surfaced from, she has no idea. She just knows that she's on dangerous territory the minute his head snaps up.

"I..." His voice, hoarse and thick, is something she's missed the sound of recently. "I'm not sure." His heavy lids blink before her, and she can see from his intense gaze that he's trying so desperately to read her. Fortunately for Jay, reading Erin is something that has always come naturally. "Her dad's store got broken into a few times recently. She just... Wanted professional advice." Erin nods, trying to keep her response detached but focused. She doesn't look at him, though, because talking about the other night is too difficult. Instead, she redirects her focus to her partner's now freezing hand.

"Hows what's-his-name?" She wants to smile at the comical tone settling in his voice. It suits him more than anger does.

"Kevin?" She chews nervously on her lip, wondering how to play this. Then, the decision is easy. She doesn't feel like playing games anymore. "I'm not sure." Although logic would have her expand, reveal the details of her leaving the bar, she doesn't need anything more. Because a smile tugging on the corners of his lips tells her he knows.

"Good." He retorts slowly, wiggling his fingers, attempting to regain some feeling from the cold. "That guy was a douche."

"He kind of was." Erin pushes herself off the counter, and begins exploring a few cabinets, hitting the jackpot on the third try. She prizes a bottle of tequila from the top cupboard and quickly unscrews the cap. "I mean, he didn't like tequila. What's up with that?" Her nose crinkles as she attempts to conceal a smile, before she takes a hearty swig from the bottle. "What about you? Getting in the dating pool anytime soon?" The words feel strange to say, and she loathes herself for hanging onto every word of his answer.

"Doubt it. You?"

She tenses her brow and shakes her head softly, taking another quick swig of tequila. "Probably not. Work comes first, right?"

"Right."

* * *

They stay like that for another hour. Light, casual conversation that means nothing. But it means everything.

The swelling of Jay's knuckle is dramatically reduced, while he's pretty sure by the time they're done talking, the bag of peas is almost fully defrosted. The tiredness begins to resettle itself in his body, and he can hear his bed calling. While he removes his jacket from his frame, he feels Erin tensed before him.

"You don't have to stay, you know. I'm fine." It's not completely true, but he doesn't need a babysitter either. The demons aren't completely gone yet, but he's fine fighting them off by himself.

"I wish." She retorts, sliding her own jacket off her arms. "If I get breathalysed though, I'm screwed." It's not completely true. While Erin took advantage of her partner's tequila stash, she's not over the limit, considering she only had water with her meal with the Voights. But her response comes before she can properly think; its her natural response. She sighs as he shuffles awkwardly in front of her. "Relax, I'll take the couch." He begins to protest, but she insists. After the night Jay had, she understands he needs a good sleep.

"You want... Something to sleep in, or something?" Just when they were beginning to make firm ground, the awkwardness settles between them again. They both know he's refering to his plaid shirt that Erin comfortable called her own on their night together. She rejects his offer, though. She doesn't want any reminder from that night, being in his apartment again is enough.

He tells her goodnight, hovering for a few more seconds before heading into his bedroom. Erin hesitantly heads to his couch, gradually and slowly sinking her body into the comfort of the leather, pulling the comforter from the back of the couch and spreading it across herself. As the leather material crinkles beneath her, she again has flashbacks to that night, her partner tugging on her belt loops while he whispers into her ear. She can feel Halstead's hot breath along the curve of her neck, coating her entire body in hot shivers.

She shakes the thoughts from her head, but she can't shake the lingering taste of him on her tongue.

* * *

It's not comfortable on his couch, and she briefly contemplates why she would spend the night. Then she's given her answer.

Her phone buzzes softly in her pocket, waking her from her slight dozing. Her thoughts first go to Voight, cursing herself for not texting him some backup line about her apartment flooding. That thought is pushed away by another, though. Most predominantly, why Jay is calling her at half one in the morning.

She clicks the inviting 'answer' button and presses the phone to her ear.

For the first few seconds, she doesn't hear a thing. She checks the connection, then hears the rough, raw voice of her partner. "The scrawny guy at the back of the bar, Lonnie, he..." His voice trails off and she can hear the strain in his words. "He killed this kid, Ben Corson. He would've been fifteen a couple of weeks ago." He pauses for a moment. "He was a good kid." Another pause. "I think Lonnie's gonna kill another kid soon." His voice, filled with despair and pain, tugs at her heart and creates an aching in her chest. He waits a couple of seconds before speaking again. "Erin? You there?"

The sound of her name takes her back to that night, and she's captured by the insane realisation that what they shared wasn't complete lust. It wasn't giving in to selfish impulses. It wasn't convulsing to primal desires. It was finding each other, in the most beautiful sense of the phrase. She pictures him whispering her name, trying it out, seeing how it tastes on his tongue, while he pushes strands of hair from her face and traces lines across her jaw.

She licks her lips softly and steadies her breathing. "Yeah. I'm here." And that's all they need. They fall asleep to the muffled sound of each other's breathing, taking comfort in the pain they share and the blind hope that someday, they'll maybe put themselves back together.

* * *

**Okay so I have a question for you guys... I'm loving updating this story right now, but I've got a few one-shot ideas. Would you prefer regular updates for this story, or less regular updates, and a few one shots? Just a thought, so tell me what you think!**

**Also, please drop a review telling me what you thought of this chapter!:D**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys, thank you to everyone for the great responses I've been getting. I'm very grateful!:) So I feel like this is an important chapter, and I raced to get it finished before tomorrow's episode. **

**Did anyone else see the promo of Severide's return to PD? Did anyone else cry? I'm not bashing Lindseride, I just get the impression that Erin isn't gonna be there for Jay to the extent that I want:/ **

**Anyway, enough babbling, I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

Her back feels disfigured, her arms sore, and her neck bent. But it all seems somehow worth it when her partner emerges from his room, a placid look painted across his face. She shuffles her body up the couch, allowing her to rest against the inner arm of the sofa, while her partner leans against the door-frame. A hint of a smile is present on his face. He wants to suddenly tell her of his nightmares; the one's that are mostly about losing Ben, but sometimes losing himself. He wants to tell her that last night, for the first night in a long time, he's not haunted by the innocent corpse of his ex-girlfriend's brother. Instead, he smiles. And she hears every word.

While he goes to quickly shower, Erin works at peeling herself off the couch, tearing herself away from its comfort.

Jay returns ten minutes later, fully dressed and ready to go. It never ceases to amaze Erin how quickly guys can get dressed in comparison to girls. Quickly pushing thoughts of her partner getting dressed from her head, she grabs her keys and heads for the door, Jay following closely behind her.

They march down the stairwell in silence, but Erin can feel Jay smiling. And that's enough. When they make it onto the street and into Erin's car, she's hit by a reminder from the night before. "How's your hand?" She queries as she turns on the ignition and checks her rear mirrors.

He whips his hand from his jacket pocket and holds it out for inspection. Besides some minor scraping, a little bruising and a tiny apparent swelling, it looks great. Erin's glad, because something tells her that if Hank would've seen a split fist, his reaction wouldn't exactly be sunshine and roses. She takes them to the bar from the night before, and feels Jay tense up beside her when she pulls onto the pavement.

"You okay?" Erin asks, observing her partner's rigid form. He nods a few seconds later, a lighter look in his face that tells her he is okay. "Alright. I'll see you at work?" Showing up at work in the same closes as the day before, with her hair askew and at the same time as Halstead wouldn't be wise, so she mentally settles on heading home for a quick shower and change.

"Yeah." He grips the handle to the door, but stops and turns his head back to her. "Hey, I just wanted to say-"

"It's okay." A smile tugs at his lips as she knows exactly what he was going to say. It's no surprise though. When you work with someone so closely for that long, you understand them like that. Working as partners has turned them into mind readers. "You've been there for me before."

She watches and waits as he exits her car and strides across the street to his own, only pausing briefly to look at the bar ahead of him, before quickly entering his vehicle. She remains there a few seconds after the car pulls out, and waits until it's speeding down the street. She still has a billion questions about last night. But the fact that Jay gave her even a snippet into his personal life is progress. And she's glad.

* * *

It's only a start, but Jay decides to swing by Starbucks on his way into work, picking up a few coffees for him and Erin. He's obviously going to make it up to her in some other way, but right now a coffee is all he's got. When he finally gets to work, he doesn't spot her car and guesses she's still in her apartment. Probably only in the shower, no less. After taking a second to realise he's thinking about his partner in the shower, he shakes the insanity from his head and exits his car, both coffees in hand.

As usual, he gets no response from Platt as he offers a friendly greeting, but he doesn't mind. Because for the first morning in a lot of mornings, the demons don't seem to be stalking him.

* * *

She gave herself twenty minutes to get home, get dressed and shower. It took her forty. Even after scrubbing half her skin off under the steaming water, she can still smell Jay. That sweet, addictive smell that he, and his whole apartment, encompasses.

She's at work less than ten minutes later, parking her car, and getting a creepily optimistic greeting from Platt at the front desk. She climbs the stairs to Intelligence, wondering if for the first time since the night she and Jay shared, things were actually going to be normal. She wonders if they'll work together on a case again, hitting locations, but taking the long route to stop by Starbucks on their way there. She wonders if they've finally found normal ground.

That is until she walks into the office of her unit, greeted with chaos.

* * *

There are two officers, both of whom she doesn't recognise and therefore know don't belong to this district. Jay is stood before them, his face piecingly white. Her eyes sweep the room and see the whole unit observing, including Burgess and Atwater, and most vigilanly, Voight. There's yelling, confusion and fear.

"What the hell is going on?" She barks, capturing the attention of everyone and inviting some silence.

"If you'll come to the station-"

"To hell with that." Jay yells, but he doesn't sound exactly angry. Erin heads over to her partner and the two officers, but is stopped in her tracks by Voight.

"If you're resisting-"

"What is going on?!" Erin repeats, angry at the rash accusations flying at her partner. The room falls silent while Erin turns to anyone for inspiration. Everyone drops their gaze - even Kim.

"Why doesn't _Jay_ tell you?" Voight spits the name from his lips like venom, and Erin sharply notices how in the midst of the anger and tension, Voight has remained quiet. Quiet Hank was dangerous. She watches as the Sergeant glares at Jay with something far deeper than anger in his eyes.

"Rodiger's body was found this morning." Ruzek chimes in, finally providing Erin with answers. Although it's not much clearer for her.

"Rodiger?"

Jay's eyes finally find hers. "Lonnie Rodiger." Erin feels a beat pass in her heart. It's chilling. Chilling, and almost haunting, to think that ten hours ago she was holding her partner back as he yelled death threats to the same Lonnie Rodiger. Then, everything unfolding before her makes sense.

"You're going to the station, if I have to take you there myself." Voight barks, stepping closer to Jay and staring him down. Erin's body moves itself, over to the officers to demand some answers.

"You wanna tell me what evidence you have to support these accusations?" Her arms fold across her chest as she eyes down the two officers before her.

"This is a police matter." The larger of the two explains. "We need to take Detective Halstead in for questioning." The vagueness of the response only infuriates Erin more.

"Unless you have anything solid, I recommend you come back when-"

"Lindsay." She's silenced by Voight, and the hotness to his voice tells her to reel it in.

"A domestic disturbance call last night immediately puts Detective Halstead as a prime suspect." The second officer barks to the whole unit. Erin feels the entire room tense up. The officer then turns directly to Jay. "Now, you either walk freely out of the building, or you will be removed by force."

"I was at my apartment all night." Jay speaks as calmly as possible, but his voice still shakes. There's a hidden sense of desperation in his voice, that Erin immediately picks up on.

"Unless anyone can vouch for that-"

"Yeah." Erin's throat jumps before she can think. She's almost shocked, but when Jay turns his head and his gaze burns into hers, she knows she's doing the right thing. Because the growth of his pupils in the bright morning light tells her he was going to lie. He was going to claim he spent the night alone in order to keep her as far away from the case as possible. And from that single look in his eyes, she knows she's doing the right thing. "I can. I was there too. You can check the CCTV of the building."

Voight turns back to her again, this time almost shaking with anger. She wants him to yell or scream, or let out any form of emotion. Instead, he just keeps a firm gaze on her, disbelief oozing from him. She can feel the taught tension in the room.

"You realise, Detective, that this affiliates you with the murder of Mr. Rodiger?" She nods immediately.

"Erin-" Jay starts with a forceful voice, but is stopped by one of the officers.

"You're both coming-" One officer starts, before Voight approaches the two and mutters something in front of them. She doesn't hear what it is that's being said, but at the sight of the two officers putting their cuffs back on their belts, she assumes Voight's done something to attempt to fix their mess.

Silence fills the room as everyone's eyes are on the two officers as they leave. Once Erin feels like she can finally breathe again, Voight's anger is unleashed. "Halstead! My office, now."

The unit disperses at the roaring of their Sergeant's voice, but Erin feels the need to explain some things first. "Hank-" She takes a few steps to catch up with Voight, before he turns back with a look resembling disgust.

"You're next."

* * *

She paces for what feels like hours, sweat gathering in her palms while she pretends she doesn't feel the bird-like stares from everyone in the office. Even Kim remained speechless, and Erin wondered if she and Atwater weren't send back downstairs how long it'd take her to process the events. Because Erin was still processing.

As she rubs her clammy hands together, she counts the seconds and listens intently for yells from Voight. Again, he's silent. It's a bad sign.

Seconds later, the rickety door swings open and her partner strides out, his steely gaze hard and emotionless. She looks past him and to Voight, stood tall and proud, clutching Jay's badge in the palm of his hand.

"Hank-"

"My office." He orders, not having the decency to look her in the eye. "Now."

Her feet obey her Sergeant, carrying her into the office and into the consequences, while her head whips back only to see Jay slam open the doors with an air of finality that breaks something inside her.

Voight is still silent as she enters and closes the door behind her, both angry and hesitant and what 'punishment' she'll be dealt. Somehow, having her badge confiscated doesn't sound as terrifying as she'd think it would.

"What the hell are you doing?" He spits, sinking into his leather chair and rubbing the curve of his chin. "If you're doing this to protect your precious-"

"It's not about that." What 'that' is, Erin isn't certain. Her gaze, soft and low on the ground, almost breaks under his stare. "I was there with him, Hank. He didn't do-"

"You know I can't protect you from this, right?" He speaks to her as though she's the one who committed the murder. "All I could do was buy some time, but sooner or later they'll want answers. So you'd better get your story straight-"

"This is my story!" She states indignantly, pleading with her eyes. It's as though he's not even listening to her.

He rises from his chair and she almost flinches. "So when I told you to drop whatever was going on, you decided to go behind my back and spend the night at his apartment?"

"It wasn't like that!" Her voice raises, despite her internal pleas. "He needed me, and I was there. That's it." Her voice snaps without permission, and she can see the lines in Hank's face pulling taught at every word she releases. "We're partners, we're friends. That's what we do."

"You really think I'm that stupid, huh?" This time she actually does flinch. Sure, she's been in plenty of arguments with Hank. But there's something about his tone and look that makes a sickness rise in her stomach. "You mean to tell me you went there last night for... Friendship?" He spits the word with a cold laugh, his eyes dark and tough.

"I went there last night because there was something going on with someone in this unit. I reacted to a colleague in trouble." Erin isn't sure where this new found confidence is stemming from, but once the words begin to flow she can't restrain them. Her anger is born from confusion, though. Confusion at how her actions for the night before can be seen in any way wrong. She would never peg her partner for a killer. Yet she's almost certain that if she hadn't shown up, Jay would be sporting something far worse than a swollen knuckle. "I was doing your job!"

"You're skating on thin ice, kid!" He warns, and the tone of his words sends her back to a more reasonable level. "If you want it to be you and Halstead against the world, then so be it."

Now she feels like crying. When the air is expelled from her lungs and the anger settles to a thin sheen on her skin, she feels a shallow sinking in her chest. It's disappointment. Her voice shrinks again. "If you're the kind of Sergeant who reprimands an officer for comforting a co-worker..." She pauses, her head softly shaking. "This unit really isn't what I thought it was." She's leaving before he can respond, her chest weighted and shallow while she tries to figure out how everything appears to be crumbling in such a short space of time.

* * *

**What did you guys think? Please drop a review with some feedback, it'd make my day!:)**

**I've already started the next chapter and I'm really excited about it, so stay tuned! [I'm trying to stay optimistic in terms of Erin and Jay, so despite what happens between them in tomorrow's episode, you can count on this fic to bring the lindstead feels, aha!]**


	9. Chapter 9

**WHO ELSE FEELS BAD FOR JAY HALSTEAD? I understand that the show wanted to establish something between Erin and Kelly, but personally I felt like it was kind of OOC for Erin to be so distanced from Jay during a murder investigation? I have to admit, the scene at the end was fairly hot, but I definitely would've preferred if Jay was there rather than Severide... How did you guys find the episode?**

**Anyway, ****I finally finished this chapter! I didn't plan it to be this long, but I didn't want to split it in two either. **

**Brace yourself guys, I think this chapter will make you feel things...**

**As usual, I don't own anything, and there's probably a few errors.**

**Enjoy! (Or at least try to...)**

* * *

She answers questions for four hours.

What time did you arrive at the scene? Did you witness an assault on Lonnie Rodiger at the hand of Jay Halstead? Were you aware of Detective Halstead's withstanding restraining orders?

Her head feels ready to burst at the questions. It's strange, being on the opposite side of the steel table for once, but as she leaves the station with the icy wind bringing clarity to her, she stands by what she said.

As she jogs down the concrete steps, her hands thrust deep into her pockets, she half hopes Jay's car would be parked out front. Instead, she's greeted by Burgess's. She fights against the wind to round the car to the passenger's side, the door slamming at the force of the air once she climbs in.

"You okay?" Erin nods. She really wishes people wouldn't use that tone and that look. It's like no one believes her innocence, let alone Jay's.

"Yeah... Yeah, I'm good." She doesn't even look at her friend when she speaks, her tone steely and hard. She looks in the side mirror and sees her car parked in the lot. Her hand rests on the door handle, feeling like she needs to be alone, despite her friend's company. "I'm gonna swing by Halstead's apartment."

"Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, he just got suspended, Erin." It's almost ironic. Considering how much Kim would push Erin into the arms of Jay, and now, in the midst of a murder accusation, Erin is being told to keep her distance.

"He didn't do it, Kim." She finally meets her friend's gaze, and her tone is firm, as though drilling the statement into her mindset.

Burgess nods after a few seconds, but Erin feels as though it's only to calm her. "Dawson took him for a ride. That's all I know." That set Erin at ease somehow. Antonio's character and bond with Halstead was admirable. Erin knew Jay was in safe, rational hands.

"I'll see you later." Erin hears her friend begin to say something, but she's already out of the car and heading towards her own vehicle. Not for the first time in her life, Erin has little direction.

* * *

She drives around without purpose for nearly an hour. It's hard to process the events of the day, to even fathom that they're real. But she realises that when something like this happens, there's only one person she wants to spend it with. And that's why she's headed towards his apartment.

It's almost coincidental that when she unbuckles her seatbelt, she can see the figure of her partner storming through the wind as he exits his apartment complex. His head is held low, his hands deep in the pockets of his leather jacket.

"Hey," Her voice is carried in the hasty wind, capturing her partner's attention as she slams her door shut.

"Hey." It's fast and to-the-point, and he doesn't even stop before making his way to his car.

"Woah, hold on." After catching up to him, she grabs his arm and twists Jay's body towards her own, her gaze captured by something. He doesn't make eye contact as her steely stare is softened by the mark on his face.

The skin between his high cheekbone and the socket of his left eye is reddened, the raw skin bright with blood that has risen to the surface. She subconsciously reaches a hand to trace the mark laced across his face, but Jay flinches and widens the distance between them. "What the hell happened?"

He chews the inside of his cheek, until his eyes finally find hers. His gaze resembles that of a young animal, or a child, or anyone but a detective. He looks drained and exhausted; the injury on his face clearly the least of his issues. He looks defeated.

"I gotta get going." He escapes Erin's grasp and swings his head low again as he rounds on his car, only pausing with his hand on the handle when his partner's voice finds him again.

"Was this Dawson?" She doesn't believe it even as she says it; but considering the information she's been given, it's the only conclusion she can draw. Her suspicion is confirmed by the look of resonance on the face of her partner. Jay hovers for a second longer, before climbing into his car, igniting the engine, and leaving the scene without looking back.

* * *

Hank sold her on the idea of a family. A group of people bonded in one of the best ways. A bond created through trust and loyalty. A bond shattered in minutes. Erin liked to think that whatever situation she found herself in, the people she called her family would have her back. But the events of the day had seemed to show a different story.

She struggles to picture it in her mind; Dawson hitting Halstead. Antonio's got such a way to empathise and understand, especially with Jay. Which is what makes Erin's chest ache even more so when she thinks of Jay, alone in his apartment, nursing a swollen cheekbone.

She finds herself watching him go. Watching, and wondering how he can go to vulnerably whispering his secrets to her through the dead of night, to running away from her and everything surrounding them both.

* * *

He goes to Ben's grave, the icy breeze soothing his cheek somehow. With each step he takes through the cemetery, he tries to formulate the death of Lonnie Rodiger. The fact that he's fantasised, dreamt, craved this for years, should suggest a sense of fulfilment for Jay. Yet it doesn't. He feels hollow and empty, angry at the world.

Because the fact of the matter is, what has changed? Ben is still beneath his feet, buried in the ground at an age far too young and with a heart far too innocent. And while he bends down in front of the crusting gravestone, Jay contemplates what kind of justice or karma this is. How the death of Lonnie is meant to compensate for the loss of Ben Corson. The world seems as unfair as it always has.

He pictures the faces of everyone in his unit. The looks of horror and disgust, yet sympathy and sorrow. He finds himself at the realisation that he has only one person behind him. And with an inflamed cheek, he's questioning whether or not Erin Lindsay would have the belief in him, had she not been bound to his side at the time of the event. It's a cruel thought, one that makes him shiver far worse than the effects of the cold. Jay has to cling to that hope though; the belief that Erin would believe him in any scenario, in any universe.

* * *

Hours pass like seconds, and Erin finds herself sat on her couch with a reddened sunset peeking in through the blinds. She's holding her gun, trailing her finger across the side and twisting the cool metal in her hands. She's taken back to every time she's fired it; the comfort and safety of Jay Halstead behind her, covering her every move. Although she's almost definitely sure he's been cleared from the murder, she's still haunted by the idea that she'll have nothing but the ghost of his presence when she's firing her next shot.

Erin places the gun on the table next to her badge, the two lined up. The badge shines under the glare of the forming Chicago moonlight, sparking light in different corners of the room. For some unknown reason, Erin retrieves her phone from the back pocket of her jeans, standing up as she begins pacing. While she has three missed calls off Kim, the number from Halstead remains at a firm zero, despite the fact she's called him four times and left several messages. He's strong, she doesn't doubt that for a second, but there's a limit to how much strength one heart can muster.

Without a second thought, Erin shrugs her leather jacket on her shoulders and grabs her keys in one slick move, not taking a second look back. After stopping by at her favourite Chinese take-away, she's driving to Jay's apartment, the route burned deeply into her brain.

She physically sighs with relief when she arrives at can see his car parked on the outside of the building. She stews for a while, her lazy gaze never leaving his borderline dirty, poorly parked, ill-owned car. She needs answers to how long Halstead's suspension is going to last, because she doesn't exactly know how to not see that car every morning.

Climbing the dusty stairs two at a time, she wonders how many times she's clambered her way up the stairwell. She wonders how long it took her and Halstead to make their way to the top on that drunken night.

When she approaches his door, it's slightly open, a dim light slicing its way into the corridor. "Hello?" She asks gingerly, pushing the door open and tentatively closing it behind her once she's in the threshold. She takes a few steps into the comfort of his living room, before turning her head to the kitchen. Jay barely looks up, far too intent on the task at hand.

"What are you doing?" Her voice snaps as she takes a few steps towards her partner, stuffing an array of clothing items into a large, black duffel bag. Under the kitchen light, she can see the wear on his face. His lids are heavy, darkened beneath his eyes. His jaw is tense and Erin swears she can see some shaking as his hands attempt to shovel more shirts into the bag. "Hey, what are you doing?" She repeats, this time close enough that she grabs his arm, as well as his attention. She dumps the bag of Chinese food on the counter, but he pays no attention to it.

Jay's eyes, dark and desperate, find Erin's. "I just..." His voice cuts through the darkened ambiance. As he brings a hand up and through his hair, Erin notices the deeper colour to the skin on his cheekbone, and is almost certain it'll be a killer bruise by morning. "I need to get away for a while."

It's ridiculous. Crazy. Bizarre. Insane. There are so many synonyms she could use, but none register with her lips. Her throat feels dry and her palms hot. "You're not serious?" He returns to piling clothes into the bag, now onto jeans. "Jay!" She lashes out and grabs his arm again, this time a little harder than before.

"What's my reason, Erin?" His palms slam on the counter and makes Erin flinch, the echo bouncing off the walls. "Everyone has got a reason to stay. Antonio's got his wife, and his family. Ruzek's got his fiance. You've got Justin and Voight. Hell, even Olinskey's got that weird family situation going on. Everyone has a reason to be here. Everyone except me." He's near shouting, and his eyes have an intensity that's so foreign to her she finds herself speechless.

With hands shaking almost uncontrollably, Jay grips the back of his neck as he attempts to slow his breathing. Erin can feel her chest begin to concave at his words, at the concept that Jay Halstead feels unbelievably alone in this world. She watches as he blinks back tears, his eyes now deep black tar pools, so dark and cold that she hardly sees the blue in them. A blue that are usually so bright, that sometimes, they're almost mesmerising.

"Me." Her brow is furrowed as the words form on her tongue.

"What?"

"I'm your reason to stay." She thinks of Voight's voice in her head, asking if she wants it to be her and Halstead against the world. And she suddenly realises that that's what it has always been. Fighting against instinct and reason, yet Erin can still feel the cuts and bruises of her partner. She feels it all, despite the fact she's pushed him as far away as possible. It has always been Lindsay and Halstead against the world.

She watches as the breath is sucked from Jay, his jaw unclenching as his lips quivers every so slightly.

"I'm your reason." She repeats so softly that it raises the sinking in his chest. Erin takes a few steps towards her partner gingerly, extending her hands to place her palms flat against his chest. She needs him to realise that she's there.

He can slowly feel his heart beat back to life under the pressure of her hands on his chest, along with the idea that he's billowing on a cliff's edge, and that tender touch is coaxing him back. As his weighted chest rises and falls, he craves the touch of her; the touch of a person who knows him, understands him, believes him. He craves the touch of the person who inspires him the most. So as he wills his body to his partner's, cradling her face with both hands and brushing their lips together, he finally confesses the thing he's been holding back for far too long; he craves Erin Lindsay.

_"I think I'm drunk." Erin murmurs, her head dipped over the back of her partner's couch as she pinches the bridge of her nose. She feels Jay slump into the leather beside her, a drunken grunt confirming her physical state._

_"You're such a lightweight." He chuckles, his eyes drifting further and further closed between blinks. _

_"You're the lightweight..." She slurs in return, blindly throwing out her fist to her right and hitting her partner's bicep. _

_"I'm not the one who fell out the cab!" Again, within seconds, he's chuckling at his own comment. This time, Erin joins in. Seconds later, they're both in hysterics, and Erin is resting her head on Jay's shoulder as her whole body shakes with laughter. The closeness of their bodies means that the smallest vibrations in one of the detectives sets the other off for another fit of giggles. Several minutes later, their howling subsides and the silence sets in._

_Jay subconsciously clasps the palm of his hand to his partner's leg, and although he aims for her knee, his drunken state means his co-ordination is off. She burns under the pressure of his hand on her thigh. The laughter is far gone, and it's though they sucked up all the air between them. Jay looks down at his partner and wills himself to stop tracing his thumb back and forth along her thigh. A sober look radiates from her eyes to his, and he's suddenly fully aware of her moving closer. _

_In one swift move, his lips are captured by hers, in a hold so tight he feels joined to her. Someone groans, neither can be sure who, and they suddenly become a tangle of aching limbs. She straddles him, her hands taking comfort along either side of his slender neck as she manipulates their movements. He wastes no time in sliding fingertips beneath her shirt and meeting hot skin. As his fingers grip her sides, he flips them both into the length of the couch and he immediately hungrily attacks the supple skin of her neck. _

_It's fast and flurried and Erin knows there's something so wrong in how she curves her back to ensure there's not a single millimetre between them, how she battles her tongue with his in a desperate attempt for any sense of taste, how she physically moans when his leg parts hers._

_Jay pulls her shirt over her head and throws it over his shoulder, a look of lust taking over his entire being. When he leans back down, he just hovers though, despite her tugging on the nape of his neck for his swollen lips to find hers. His lips remain only centimetres from hers, and they're stuck in the dead of night, doing nothing but breathing each other in as the heat between their bodies is hot enough to fan a thousand flames._

Rationality tells her to pull away, to force their bodies into an awkwardness and watch as he leaves. The pressure of his lips is too convincing, though. So she simply lets herself be pulled into Jay's gravity, succumbing to desires she wasn't completely certain she had. Like a feather playing across her lips, the kiss is so light and soft that it feels dream-like. Yet when he pulls away, she knows it's all too real.

The grip along the nape of her neck remains, as they're pressed nose-to-nose, with Erin breathing out and Jay breathing in, and nothing more in between. A thumb pads along her cheek and she can feel his chest rising and lowering with each shallow breath. Neither dare to open their eyes.

She brings her hands to his forearms, ensuring he doesn't loose his hands from the curve of her neck. Erin finds herself shivering in the hold of her partner, shivering, while her soul burns hotter than she thought was possible. With every weighted breath he exhales, she can literally feel his heart breaking. But she hopes she can somehow have a way in putting the pieces back together. Like he's been doing for her since they've met. She hears him gulp, then feels the relinquishing of his hold. She feels cold somehow.

So while the bright orange glow of Chicago's lights taint the murky black sky, she decides to taint whatever is left of their friendship. Before he has chance to react, her lips are back on his, her fingers scaling through his hair. Muscular arms form a hold across her back, bringing them closer than imaginable while her tongue begs for access and she begins pulling him somewhere -anywhere where she can feel his skin.

Blindly, he guides them to his room, gripping her waist as they tumble onto the comfort of his bed. Erin tugs at her partner's shirt when he's hovering over her, subconsciously licking her lips as he hauls it over his head and tosses it behind him. She wonders why this feels so right; how she can feel so safe and secure under the gaze of her best friend as he begins unbuttoning her shirt. How she can do nothing but smile as their tongues dance together like specks of dust under sunlight; how he then smiles in turn and tasting the curve of his lips is possibly the best thing she's ever had the privilege of tasting.

As Erin hooks her fingers through Jay's belt loops, he can't help but hear her words in his head. _"I'm your reason." _She's his reason. And as he peppers kisses down past her ribcage and to the soft curve of her stomach, tugging at the sleeves of her shirt to toss aside, he can't help but feel so thankful for having the best reason he could've asked for. Because while he's composed of meteor fragments, she's designed from stars. All she seems to do is guide him to the light.

And while he's been living in hell, he can finally see the heaven in Erin's eyes.

* * *

She wakes with a warm tinge in her whole body; a glow almost. She's smiling before her eyes open, so she figures that's how she's spent most of the night. She looks over and sees the space beside her unoccupied, so tosses the duvet aside. Erin hugs her arms around her chest, the familiar plaid shirt providing her with some warmth. She thinks of the last time she left Jay's bed; confusion, anger, and regret all featuring in her emotions. She definitely didn't have this warm fluttering in her stomach last time.

She gathers her hair into a ponytail as she makes her way into the living room, which is also empty. As her side smile softens and she tries to compose some kind of witty opener, she heads to the kitchen seeking her partner. Subconsciously, Erin finds herself gnawing on her lip to somehow retrieve the taste of Jay.

Her side smile fades when her gaze is averted to the kitchen counter. The duffel bag is long gone, along with Halstead's key's. She runs to the window, not caring about the fact she's barely awake, and fogs the window with her thick breath as she can see Jay's parking space is empty.

In that cruel moment, it seem she'll have to gnaw her lips raw to find any reminiscence of her partner's taste.

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**I didn't really make it that clear, but the italics part of the chapter was supposed to be pre-chapter 1, the drunken lindstead night... [Just thought I'd add mention it because I didn't really tie it in that well oops]**

**Please leave a review, all kind of response is welcome!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey guuuuuuuuuuys! I know it's been over a week since the last update, but I'm getting closer to exams and with lack of inspiration I'm finding it quite difficult to update as soon as I'd like:/**

**Anyway, we've got a few weeks until CPD is back, so I'll do my best to find the time for this fic!**

**As usual, I don't own anything. Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

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It's only been a week. Seven days have passed, and Erin still finds it strange to share a care with someone else. Sumner is a great detective, Erin can't deny that, but there's a suddenly coldness to her work. Ever since she joined the unit, there's been a feeling of ease throughout any case thrown her way. It's never really felt like work, not until now.

_"Lindsay, you seen Halstead?" She doesn't respond as she passes Dawson's desk. She barely looks up from her steady stare at Voight's office. The door shakes as she opens it, and Hank sits up in his leather chair. After closing the door behind herself, Erin doesn't have the courage to look her Sergeant in the eye._

_"I made a mistake." Her voice doesn't even sound like her own. She can hear the blood thumping in her ears and her breath hitch. "About yesterday." She hopes he gets what she's saying, because she doesn't think she has the strength to sound out her partner's name. If there's anything that Hank Voight loves more than being told he's right by Erin, it's Erin telling him that she's wrong. Which is why she expects some kind of look of victory as she repents her outburst from the prior day. She gulps. "I'm sorry. It won't happen again, Sergeant." She hasn't called him Sergeant since her first day in her pseudo-father's unit, where he told her with a softened voice: 'Hank's fine, kid.'_

_But she's no longer a naive detective. She no longer puts her entire faith in another human being. Because, despite the fact she forgot it for a while, it's instinct to put yourself first. So that's what she needs to do. Hank Voight has given her more than she could ever possibly repay, but while they're in that building, he's her boss. Nothing more, nothing less._

_She waits a few more seconds before backtracking and letting herself out of his office, not looking back._

She drives herself and Sumner back to the station, the reddened sun setting in the distance. She still doesn't feel like herself, though. She's made the most arrests in the past week, and logged the most hours into the system. She's first there and last to leave. Theoretically everything should be fine.

She knows how everyone looks at her though. There's a sense of pity left hanging in the air, plummeting a sickening feeling into the pit of Erin's stomach every time she looks over at Halstead's desk. She remembers that very morning she came into work, and Ruzek, being the rash officer that he is, asked with a booming voice where Jay was. Voight's vague reply of "taking a temporary leave" invited more questions than imaginable for Erin, and it took every ounce of self control not to pry Hank for details.

Despite the fact the private endeavours between Halstead and Lindsay remained behind closed doors, everyone in the unit witnessed Erin stand up for her partner without hesitation. And she despises how they look at her from the day onwards; like she has all the answers to Halstead's abandonment from the unit.

_She wakes with a smile, her head on an unfamiliar pillow and her legs tangled in an unfamiliar blanket. The beaming red light from the alarm clock tells her it's 2.36am, yet she's never felt more awake. She squints in the darkness, looking to her right to see the blanket strewn and pillow lopsided. After pulling the duvet to cover her body, she looks over to her left and sees her partner standing by the window frame, subdued lights from Chicago's streets lighting up his face._

_"Hey." Erin's hoarse whisper radiates throughout the room, causing him to turn slightly and uncross his arms from his bare torso. He slides both hands into the drooping pockets of his sweatpants and fails at suppressing a lopsided smile._

_"It's late, you should go back to sleep." He whispers, despite the fact it's just the two of them. There's something about the way she looks at half two in the morning, her loose curls lying messily across her shoulders, her bare arms shuddering with goosebumps and her eyes burning bright in the contact they share with his. _

_"What's wrong?" His eyes are heavy and dark, carrying the weight of his pain that she can see in a single glance. Behind the smile he offers, there's more than he's letting on._

_"Nothing." Jay assures his partner, hesitating before he goes back to bed. After slowly shutting the blinds, he turns his back to approach his dresser, immediately going to the bottom draw. He emerges seconds later holding a folded plaid shirt, and Erin smiles without missing a beat. While he perches on the end of the bed, he unravels it in his hands and offers it to Erin, who promptly finds comfort in the familiar garment. _

_They sit in silence for a moment longer, both detectives searching for words. "Did we make a mistake?" The rawness of her voice tugs at his hollow chest, and the slow fluttering of her eyes forms a lump in his throat. __He can do nothing but knit his brow as he attempts to gather the words to explain to her. He can almost hear her heart beating. While words fail him, Jay reaches out to take hold of his partner's hand, entwining their fingers in a way that binds them in a much larger sense. _

_"I've made a lot of mistakes," He tries to smile with the words, but his voice is thicker than intended. "But this is not one of them." There's a sureness to Jay's voice that soothes Erin, eventually softening her breathing and eliciting a smile from the corner of her lips._

_Any further words aren't necessary, and they both know that. So they bask in the glorious silence while Jay's hands find comfort in the collar of the plaid shirt and pull Erin towards him, stopping just short of their lips meeting. Her whole body is on fire as the tip of his nose slides against hers, her lips already shaking at the prospect of desperate contact. The sounds of their beating hearts echoing throughout the room reminds the two of them that they're alive, that their steel caged chests are laced with feelings and their hearts thick._

She drives past her partner's building on the way home like she does every night, a tiny, minuscule part of herself hoping she'll see the comforting image of Halstead's car parked out front. Instead, she passes an empty parking lot and is left with the sinking feeling that she's going to have to think of Jay Halstead as something other than her partner from now on.

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**In terms of plot, I know this chapter seems a bit useless, and while I'm not a fan of filler chapters, there has to be some build up to this story so please bear with me! **

**Thank you for ready and please leave a comment telling me what you think:)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you to everyone who is sticking with me! I've been working at this chapter for a while, and I'm now (somewhat) happy with it.**

**I appreciate everyone who has reviewed/favourited/followed, it really puts a smile on my face!**

**There are probably zillions of errors, despite the fact I've proof read about fifty times. I hope you enjoy!**

**[Just to clarify, the headings of sections in this chapter, e.g 'two weeks', denote the time passed since Jay left.]**

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**Two Weeks.**

"What about that guy? Oh that guy. Erin, look at that guy over there." Kim swoons across the bar, pointing to every possible male in sight. Erin humours her partner by offering a lone glance at each prospect, but her gaze always returns to the bottom of her shot glass as they come. "Erin, look at that guy."

"Yeah, he's cute." There's no enthusiasm to her voice and she can practically feel Kim's eyes rolling. Erin appreciates that her friend is only attempting to be supportive, but in that moment there's no guy that can raise her spirit. The tequila offers a warm glow in the pit of her stomach but there's still a hollowness to her chest.

It makes her sick that for the past three weeks she's been like a zombie; walking around with little purpose or reason. It makes her sick that her eyes linger on Halstead's desk at every free chance she gets. It makes her sick that she doesn't feel like Erin Lindsay. Since when was Erin Lindsay defined by a guy?

"I think I'm just gonna head home." She musters a smile and downs the rest of the shot.

"No, come on." Kim reaches a hand to place on Erin's arm. Regrettably, Erin told Kim everything that happened. From convincing her partner stay, to spending the night, to leaving alone the next morning. "One more drink."

Four drinks later, and Erin is beginning to care less and less about the prospect of work the next day. At some point, Ruzek joins Lindsay and Burgess and shows little discrepancy on asking about Halstead.

"So you really haven't got a clue where he's gone?" He asks Erin intensely while she finishes the shot placed in front of her. She shakes her head without raising her glance, hoping Adam will drop it.

"He probably just needed some breathing room." Kim chimes in, with more confidence in her words than she intends. Truthfully, she knows this is hurting Erin. Whether the detective would care to admit it or not, being with Jay that night meant something to her. And Kim could tell from the hollow, empty look in her friend's glazed eyes, she wasn't taking this easily.

"Breathing room." Erin scoffs under her breath, her words bitter from the tequila. It's at this time of night that the sickness settles in. The idea that the bond between partners meant absolutely nothing to hers. Thinking of it is like pouring salt into her cuts.

"I think you need to get some action, Lindsay." Adam breaks her from her stupor with a knowing tone and the hook of an eyebrow as he sips his beer.

"What?"

"Wendy's brother's single. You could do a lot worse." Now she feels a lot sicker. The idea that she's been reduced to the lonely girl who needs to resort to blind dates from co-workers makes her want to punch Ruzek in the arm, but Kim beats her too it. "Ow!"

Truthfully, Erin has considered a one night stand. A warm body might be exactly what she needs. Yet she's craving someone else; someone who clearly didn't want her back. And that truly tears the walls in the beating muscle she used to call a heart.

Adam pauses for a moment, looking sombrely into the distance. "What if he's rein-listed?" Erin feels sick. She can feel the mix of alcohol stirring inside of her, beckoning for release.

"I think you should call him." Kim states blankly, yet so boldly. Adam furrows his brow in confusion, prompting Kim to elaborate. "Halstead, you should call him. Just to check he's alright." Erin feels her throat dilate at her friend's words, at the prospect of hearing of Jay's safety. It's taken every ounce of willpower for Erin not to call her partner. She refuses to be the girl that pouts after him; publicly, anyway.

Adam shrugs under the glare of Kim, and whips the phone from his pocket. As he slowly searches through his phone-book, Erin contemplates how easily she could've called her partner. To even convince him to return. The thought is swept from her mind as soon as it lands, though. Because if convincing him to stay wasn't enough, she was positive that convincing him to come back sure as hell wouldn't be.

"Voicemail." Ruzek mumbles while Erin hangs onto every expression he makes, every frown line, every eye movement. "Hey Halstead, it's me. Just checkin' in, man, haven't heard from you in a while. Anyway, just drop me a message, alright? Precinct's lonely without you. Alright, just give me a call back when you can. Bye."

They sit in silence for a while, the hum of the bar around them encompassing their thoughts. Erin wonders how she could ever reduce all her thoughts into a thirty second voicemail, and decides she'd have to settle mainly on profanities.

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**Three Weeks.**

It's strange; vesting up alone in the locker room. There's a thrill for officers, almost a literally rush through their veins before the action, and up until today Erin craves that adrenaline rush. Yet when she stands alone in the darkened room, so silent she can hear her brain pulsing as she thinks, there's nothing exciting about it.

She straps the gun to her side and finds herself looking at Jay's locker. Her throat goes dry and she has to force herself to look away, redirecting her attention to her own locker.

_"**It's Halstead I'm looking out for.** I've seen what happens to the guys you date."_ Voight's words replay in her mind, echoing into the crevices of her mind. _"You've left a string of broken hearts behind you since you were fifteen."_ It's laughable, how wrong Hank was. Or maybe it's irony.

As she stands there, pulling her curls out from the rim of her vest, she reaches into her locker and retrieves a picture of the unit. It was taken the same day Jay beat the crap out of that sleaze-bag in the street. As she thumbs the picture, she thinks back to her conversation with Jules. The same Jules who was here one minute and gone the next. Within the blink of an eye. And while she knows Antonio misses her daily, she feels sick for missing her partner. Because there's a difference; Jules was ripped helplessly from this world, while Jay chose to abandon what he knew.

Erin shivers at the sound of the door opening, her head whipping round almost instantly. "Voight says we're ready." It's Dawson, his thick voice cutting through the room. Her facade has momentarily fallen, and she knows he can sense it.

His echoing footsteps bounce off the bare walls as he pads over to her, a sad smile spanning across his lips upon seeing the picture in her hands. He leans across the side of the locker and crosses his arms, and Erin can see such strength in his eyes.

He wordlessly takes the picture from her and looks intently at it for a while, shadows dancing across his face. After pausing for a moment, Antonio hands her the picture, his lips parting softly. "Don't give up on him." She feels the vibrations of his knowing voice in the depths of her bones. And while she may already have given up on the hope of his return, she nods anyway, gnawing on her cracked lips.

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**Four Weeks.**

She took out a guy twice her size with one swift fist to the face. He was out cold. Pride burst through her veins as she passed Dawson and Ruzek, both of whom were clearly impressed. Her fist swelled with pain, but the sight of a six and a half foot drug dealer out cold was burned into her brain.

She was still smiling as she slid her coat on at the precinct, despite the fact she was nursing a dull ache in her first. Oddly, Voight glared as he walked past her, his eyes heavy and wary, but dark with concern. Erin felt alive though, for the first time since she'd care to admit.

She drove home early that night, skipping on a night at Molly's. Her bed was calling at there was leftover Chinese food just screaming to be eaten.

Before she climbed into bed and delved beneath the covers, she stood by the window for a while, her mirroring reflection looking brokenly back at her. A chill set in her bones as she looked up at the moon hovering above her, silver and glistening. She takes in the sight and wonders if wherever Jay Halstead is in the world, the moon is as bright for him as it is for her.

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**Five Weeks.**

"Jin, get me that number. Antonio, run your C.I's. We'll regroup in hour." Voight barks to his unit. "Lindsay, my office." Erin follows Hank wordlessly and closes his office door behind her, encasing the silence about to ensue. She feels vulnerably and on display; Hank looking at her like she's an injured puppy, or a bird with a broken bird.

"Yeah?" She asks, raising her eyebrows and begins softly tapping her foot.

"I know you're tough, kid. And you're great police." There's a worry in his eyes that makes her negate from his words. "But you and I both know there's something going on with you. And if this is about Halstead-" It's the first time his name's been spoken around the unit in weeks, and it catches her by surprise.

"What are you talking about?" She scoffs, folding her arms across her chest and ignoring the reference to her former partner. "I've made more arrests than anyone in the past month. I've filed double the paperwork Ruzek has, and last week me and Sumner cracked the Linetti case with only two witnesses-"

"I'm worried you're overdoing it." She's told in a stern voice. "You're filling a void with work, but your heads not in it. You're working well but there's careless mistakes, Erin." She knows what he's talking about. She's filed a ton of paperwork, but a 1/3 of it has been red-flagged for mistakes. She finds herself making sloppy errors in the firing range and she zones out too frequently during the day. "If you make one of these careless mistakes with bullets firing through the air..." He trails off, but she understands the gist of what he's saying.

"If you need to talk about it-" Hank starts slowly, but Erin resents his pity.

"I'm fine. I'll do better." She nods and hopes her assured tone is enough. Voight isn't convinced by her words and neither is Erin.

* * *

**Six Weeks.**

She sits and watches last night's Laker's, game on the TV, curled up on the couch with a beer. It's only half eight, but she can feel herself slipping into a light sleep, the sound of the game oddly soothing. She's snapped from her revelry at a knocking at the door, and takes a few seconds to stretch and yawn before proceeding to open it.

She hovers at the door for a second, a minuscule part of herself wondering whether or not he's on the other side of the door. The 'he' she still finds herself longing for, despite the fact she's forgotten so much about him. It's odd to think that its only been 42 days. She struggles to remember his scent, the crinkling of his eyes, the way his whole face creases as he grins.

Erin hesitates for a second, her fingers wresting on the cool surface of the door knob. The seconds feel like hours and her palms gather sweat, which is why she feels deflated when the opening of the door reveals Justin.

"Hey," She musters a smile, then relinquishes another at the sight of a take out bag in his hands. She steps aside as he enters her apartment and slowly closes the door behind the two of them, her eyes scanning her hallway for half a second. "You want a beer?" Erin offers, and proceeds to the kitchen at the nod of Justin.

She hasn't seen him in a while, with being consumed by work and all. She's missed him though, and the times she's spent with him and Hank. She misses their family dynamic. She misses pretending she's normal for once.

They eat at the couch with small talk being tossed between them, and for the briefest of moments, everything feels normal. It doesn't feel like Erin's world is crashing around her. Justin tells her how he's getting his life back together; how he's landed a nine-to-five job and is looking for apartments. And she's proud.

"So, I heard from Pops that your boyfriend's AWOL." Erin's fork clatters to her plate and she overly chews the dumpling in her mouth. She wonders if Justin has a filter; the ability and capacity normal people possess to distinguish what's appropriate to say and when it's appropriate to say it.

"Justin, don't." She warns, feeling instantly tense.

"I'm just saying," Justin shrugs places him empty plate on the table in front of them, taking a large sip of his beer before continuing. "Dude sounds pretty weak." She wants to scream; to tell Jay's story from start to end. She wants Justin to know that Jay Halstead is anything but weak. Or _was_ anything but weak, up until six weeks ago. Instead, she emits silence as she places her plate on the table too, feeling Justin's eyes on her as he continues to push. "You deserve a real man."

It happens in a quick flash. Once moment, her mind is thinking back to her partner, the next, Justin's lips push against hers. Truthfully, she's too shocked to move. Well, the action itself is not that shocking; she's known of Justin's petty crush on her since the first day they met. She just figured it'd be something he'd outgrow. Evidently not.

She tells herself to push him off, to set boundaries. Her body doesn't react though. Instead, she feels her chest cave in as three more seconds pass with Justin's sloppy lips begging for more. Another second passes and Erin is taken back six weeks, with Jay's smooth kisses lacing her neck with such ferocity she literally ached for him, her whole body arching for contact. This wasn't six weeks ago though, she was in the moment, and at feeling Justin's hand pawing at the buttons on her shirt, she pushes him off.

"I think you should go." Her lips are cold and she feels like crying. Not because of Justin though. This has nothing to do with him. Which is why she needs him to go. The irresponsible part of herself considers kissing him back, pulling off her shirt, even giving herself to him, all the while imagining he's someone else. The someone who she impossibly craves. The someone's who's heart she found home in, despite the fact she now knows it was only made of steel.

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**Although filler chapters absolutely suck, I really want pace to this story... So I'm sorry if this was kinda boring, but trust me, I'm going to pick it up soon.**

**Please drop a review and tell me what you thought, it really makes my day to hear how you guys view this story!**

**And just so you know, Halstead's return is soon, so stay tuned...**

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**Edit: EmilyMay93, [and to everyone else who felt some confusion], in chapter ten the second flashback was a few hours before Jay left Erin. I re-read the chapter and I think I really put it across poorly, so I'm really sorry for the confusion! So to anyone reading, please don't hesitate to ask questions because I usually miss out key things accidently!:)**


	12. Chapter 12

**This is probably one of the quickest updates I've done, aha! I hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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It's a quiet day. Almost too quiet. In the movies, that's the give-away; when all goes quiet, expect the worst. Erin's whole life has been quiet though, so she wouldn't have known.

The soft air cobbles in her lungs as she hits the streets of Chicago with Sumner, vested up and ready for action. The unit's been working on a drug deal case for the past five days, and any connections all lead to an abandoned warehouse twelve miles from the precinct. Lindsay and Sumner wait patiently for the rest of the unit to pull round with the van, and for the first time in a while, Erin feels ready.

"Hey, this might seem really out of the blue, but I just wanted to say thanks." Erin turns to Mia and raises her eyebrows, wondering why sentimentality was occurring before a major drug bust. "I know it's not exactly easy welcoming someone into your unit, much less accepting a new person as your partner." Erin's gaze drops to the ground. She still finds herself doing that, hiding at the mention of him. "Anyway, I just wanted to thank you. Honestly, I couldn't have been assigned a better partner."

Before Erin can return the sentiment, Jin pulls round the corner and comes to a screeching halt, while Dawson opens the van doors. Lindsay simply smiles at her partner, touching her arm tentatively before following her into the vehicle, adrenaline coursing through every vein in her body.

* * *

The red sky sets in and Erin feels like she's glowing; like she's actually going to make a difference today. They unload from the truck and gather themselves by the North entrance to the warehouse, all eyes on the rusty door leading them to a successful case.

Erin's grip tightens on her gun and she steadies her breathing; one deep breath in, two out. They each line up behind Voight, with Dawson taking the rear and wait for the signal. A raven circles overhead catching Erin's eye for a brief moment before she redirects her attention back ahead, just in time for Hank to nod over his shoulder and force himself into the door.

"Chicago PD!"

"Put your hands in the air!"

"Drop your weapons!"

It's the first good bust the unit's had in about two months, and Erin feels alive the second her foot steps onto the concrete territory. With Hank to her left and Sumner to her right, she feels electric, a buzz humming through her body as they surge forward. A row of workers surrender, their hands rising to the air without hesitation.

"Turn around, put your hands up!" Erin hollers as she makes her way forward, feeling Sumner break away to check out a row of rooms to their right.

She hears a faint group murmur of distant Spanish before it all breaks loose. There's three shots fired before Erin's eyes make contact with a gun, but she reacts instantly, throwing her body to the right and ducking behind a workshop station. With slick movements, she swings her head and shooting hand simultaneously to fire shots, all amazingly precise. She pulls her body back to safety and waits another couple of seconds, counting the beats in her head, before returning her view to the action.

Two shots. Three shots. Four shots. All hitting their targets. It's probably her best run of firing since the academy, where she was top of her group and put everyone there to shame. As her next bullet bounces off a metal beam, she's taken back to the first bust she and Halstead tackled as partners. The look of shock and surprise he had when she fired expertly with her gun was burned into her brain.

What happens next is almost instinct; her body moving before her mind can rationalise. Her actions are thick with confidence, and after turning to see Voight only a few paces from her, she twists her head to yell over her shoulder. "Cover me, Halstead."

It's all slow motion. Before her foot hits the ground ahead of her, Erin knows what she's said. It's been weeks since she's uttered his name, let alone called it out in a line of duty. Her mouth goes dry and she stops in her tracks, wanting to childishly turn around and see if Jay Halstead would be there, right behind her, his eyes narrowed in concentration and his lips poised slightly open, ready to cover her.

While Erin blocks out the world in that moment, the world has other plans for Erin. Action swirls around her; Voight yelling a distressed, hoarse "Erin!" while the barrel of a gun stares her down out of the corner of her eye. Another half second passes before Erin is slammed to the ground, Voight's hand forcing to the side with such force she feels her whole body bash against the concrete floor. Her head hits the ground and searing pain rips through the side of her skull.

The shot comes next. The bullet slices through the air like a knife through warm butter, bringing Hank to the ground with a strangled cough. Erin's gun reacts before she does, raising itself and firing straight ahead, meeting her target with undeniable accuracy.

As Hank writhes is agony, Erin crawls to meet his body, hers shaking in the moment. "You're okay, you're okay, you're okay." She chants it in a hushed tone, despite the fact everything is to the contrary. She tears the bulletproof vest from her Sergeant, bile forming at her throat when a reservoir of blood pours out and coats her hands.

"Hank, look at me." A blood stained hand grabs Voight's chin, tugging it towards her while she's screaming internally. His dim eyes strain to focus on her, but the pressure she applies to his wound is the only think pulling him back. "You're okay. You hear me? You're okay. Just stay with me, Hank. Stay with me." Her palms hold strong at his shoulder blade while her fingers dance with shivers. She sucks in the air, willing her lungs not to concave while everything else does around her.

* * *

**DUN DUN DUN! I know how you guys love these positive, uplifting chapters;)**

**Please leave a review telling me what you thought!**

**You've all been patient with me, so just know that the next chapter will bring the return of a familiar face...**


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